ladyjanelly: (Ben)
ladyjanelly ([personal profile] ladyjanelly) wrote2008-03-04 07:32 pm
Entry tags:

Fic: "In From the Cold" J2 AU rated-R Ch. 16/?

Jensen is affectionate.
Jared reciprocates.

Thanks to Embroiderama for the good advice on where to break this chapter. It's a little short but believe me, it's a good thing.


========
Jared has a plan. A three-hour nap and then a trip to the Museum of Modern Art. He’s already tallied up bus fare, admission and a nice lunch for the two of them. That’ll leave gas for the week plus grocery money and a small cushion in his checking account.

What he hadn’t planned on is waking up with Jensen stretched out against him and a warm hand rubbing slow strokes up under his shirt. He shivers at the light touches and he moans before he’s quite awake.

“I made it shush,” Jensen whispers in his ear. The door to the living room is cracked open to let some light in.

Jared mumbles some variety of “Buhwha?” and Jensen pushes up on one elbow and smiles down at him.

“The noise thing. I made it shush. I was to wake you up.” He reconsiders. “I wanted to wake you up.”

“Alarm,” Jared corrects out of habit, “You turned off the alarm.”

Jensen smiles again. “The day is off.” His hand slides lazily across Jared’s hipbone. “The day for us.”

And god. It feels so good and it’s been so long. Jared hears his own ragged breathing, feels his head swimming with sudden want and need and hunger. He clenches his fingers in the sheet. This is Jensen and he doesn’t know and Jared can’t… Won’t… Fuck.

Jensen nuzzles in against his jaw with shy little kisses and brushes of his lips and the tease of his tongue. Jared can feel the line of his dick against his side and as Jensen brings his knee up over Jared’s crotch he has no doubt the other man can feel his.

“Say to me,” Jensen whispers. “Of the how. Of what to do.”

“Anything,” Jared groans. He can’t stop his hips from their slow roll up to rub against Jensen's knee. “You can’t do it wrong.”

Jensen slithers down the bed with his legs still tangled with Jared’s. He pushes up the t-shirt Jared went to bed in and brushes kisses across Jared’s ribs so light they wouldn’t hurt the wings of a moth. As much as Jared wants to treat Jensen like he’s precious he never expected to feel so cherished himself or so loved or so protected.

He looks down into the endless green of Jensen's eyes and feels found for the first time in his life. Like everything is right.

“Could I see you?” Jensen asks and Jared nods. He can’t think of anything he would deny Jensen at that moment.

Jensen helps him to sit up and Jared just goes with it. He lets his body be moved and manipulated as his shirt is pulled over his head and he’s laid down again.

Jensen straddles his hips and leans down. He kisses along Jared’s collarbone and runs his hands down his sides. He nuzzles into Jared’s hair and flicks the tip of his tongue against the corner of his mouth.

Not even Jared’s first boyfriend gave him this sensation of being explored like a glorious new country. The act is so primitive. So simple. Jensen shows no embarrassment at all. What is, is, and we are, Jared thinks and maybe he’s starting to think like Jensen.

Jensen shifts and rubs down on him and their cocks are separated by nothing but the thin cotton of their pajamas. Jensen likes it. Jared likes it. No harm is being done and Jared starts to let himself relax.

“Here,” he whispers and tugs at the hem of Jensen's shirt. Jensen obliges by pulling it the rest of the way off and Jared touches him back in the dim light from the doorway.

Jensen is still lean. Jared knew that already. But months of good nutrition have put more mass on him. Awkward boniness has faded into graceful musculature. He looks thin but strong and Jared likes that. Likes that Jensen is healthy and fit. He’s proud of himself but also proud of Jensen.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispers and his fingers drift over the glowing smoothness of Jensen's skin. The words catch in his throat. “I love you.”

Jensen leans low over him and presses their cheekbones together so hard it almost hurts. “Yours.” He says with fierce determination. “Yours ever forever.”

He finds an awkward rhythm and Jared grabs onto his hips and guides him and they thrust together a few more strokes until Jensen makes a broken cry and grinds down on top of him. Jared’s never seen anything so open and free. Jensen loses himself in the orgasm and even though Jared’s still short of his own release he holds Jensen and strokes his hair and pets him as he comes down.

“Sparkles,” Jensen laughs all breathless and sweet. “In my head.”

Jared smiles back and tries to adjust himself in his pants without drawing attention to it. Jensen catches it though, too observant for Jared’s good sometimes.

His smile fades and his hand drifts down to cover Jared’s. “Tell me the how,” he says. “Tell me how to make it finish.”

“I don’t--“ Jared starts, but the end of that sentence treats Jensen like the child he is not. “Anything,” he begs. “Anything. Just touch. Me. It.”

Jensen reaches for him without hesitation. Those clever artist’s fingers slide down between cloth and skin and wrap around Jared’s dick. He can see the wonder of discovery in Jensen's eyes and the fascinated smile on his lips.

“This?” Jensen asks, “Like touching me.” He strokes and Jared arches against the touch. He feels his sense of self slipping away under the heady wave of sensation. And god it’s good with that half-beat of a pause at the tip and a little twist before Jensen's hand strokes down again.

Like riding a bike, Jared thinks and he would laugh at his own absurdity but he’s too busy losing his mind to the pleasure for that.

Jensen eases him down with soft touches and whispered words of “So pretty” and “Mine for always.” Jared looks up and Jensen seems so at peace. Seems like the older man for the first time. A tiny part of Jared wonders what could have been if they’d met somehow without Jensen being hurt but it doesn’t matter and he’s sure he wouldn’t want to trade that life for this.

-----------

Showering with Jensen is one of those things Jared doesn’t realize he misses until he gets the chance. Intimate and sensual and more than he could have experienced before without jumping Jensen's bones. One of those things like assisted orgasms that he has denied himself for so long but once he has the chance again he doesn’t know how he lived without.

Jared takes the opportunity to reacquaint himself with Jensen's body. His skin is healed like the rashes had never been there. He’s filled out--added on muscle and just enough body fat to put him in the healthy range. He must walk ten miles or more on the days he goes with Jeff and his body is lean and toned. Freckles are scattered fine over his shoulders and the bridge of his nose and Jared thinks maybe he loves every single one of them.

Jensen touches Jared shyly and Jared realizes this is the first time Jensen has seen him. “Touch me where ever you want,” Jared tells him, “You can do that here, in our home. It’s okay.” And Jensen does. His fingertips trace down Jared’s neck and shoulders, over the firm muscle of his chest, over waist and hips and against the line where his thighs meet torso.

Jared would be embarrassed by how little it takes to get him hard again so soon except that months have gone by since another person touched him and this is so much more than just another person. It’s Jensen touching him like he’s made of gold. Jensen worshiping the lines of him. Jensen who is so beautiful and so gentle and his, all his.

Jensen's hands slide around behind Jared. Feeling the muscles of his back and cupping his ass cheeks and drifting back around to the front. Whatever concerns Jared might have had about Jensen wanting this for himself dissolve as he looks down and sees that Jensen enjoys this touching stuff just as much as any healthy gay man in his late twenties.

Reassured that he isn’t fucking this up, Jared feels bold. He presses Jensen back against the water-warmed tile and they kiss and Jared pushes back the sodden strands of Jensen's hair. He pins Jensen's shoulders there and Jensen seems too pleased with this turn of events to struggle against him.

Jared watches his face for any sign of unhappiness as he sinks to his knees in front of Jensen. He sees only arousal and love and lust and wonder. Jared makes it good. Makes it last. He touches Jensen in all the ways a lover should. Brings him to the edge and keeps him there until it’s a mercy to finish him off and let him come.

They laugh together after, with water falling all around them and their bodies slick against each other. Jensen seems so happy. So normal. Just a guy who talks funny. An eccentric artist. And Jared isn’t an asshole for loving him in the physical way. Not a monster or an abuser. The last piece falls into place and they are a couple. Complete.

========

[identity profile] juice817.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
Oh! It's perfect! I'm always so thrilled when you update this, I'm enjoying it immensely.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 08:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. :)

[identity profile] guard-the-cards.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
... awwww

I love that last part, of Jared coming to terms with what he's feeling and what that makes him. But I'm also terrified if Jensen tells jeff, and if Jeff and anyone else would see it that way

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-06 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
Other people are going to have a hard time seeing the positives of their relationship. Honestly, if I had a friend who was a little crazy/childish, I'd worry about anybody they were having sex with.

[identity profile] ejayye.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
*happy, happy sigh*
Gorgeous.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you. :)

[identity profile] mickeym.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
God, this is beautiful. I read it, my heart just thudding in my chest, and it was so hard to breathe. You can see them falling in love, see the emotion between them.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispers and his fingers drift over the glowing smoothness of Jensen's skin. The words catch in his throat. “I love you.”

Jensen leans low over him and presses their cheekbones together so hard it almost hurts. “Yours.” He says with fierce determination. “Yours ever forever.”


I kind of wanted to cry at this; it's just so good. They're so good.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:19 pm (UTC)(link)
They are good. I almost made myself cry at that.

Thank you.

[identity profile] beckaandzac.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 01:53 am (UTC)(link)
!!!!

I just... Oh, Jared! Oh, Jensen! Oh, Janell! I have nothing but exclamation marks for this! <3

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:21 pm (UTC)(link)
!!!

I appreciate it. :)
ext_2984: Dean reads Supernatural (Default)

[identity profile] jellicle.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 01:55 am (UTC)(link)
Darling, darling! This is so much love!

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay! Hopefully you'll still love me after next chapter.

[identity profile] tiptoedbow.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
Ahhh

*thud*

Gorgeous

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. :)

[identity profile] deathangelgw.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:08 am (UTC)(link)
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeGiggly This is so much awesome!!! More soon, yes yes yes??!?!?!

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Hopefully. Sent it off to beta this morning but she may have advice that requires large rewrites.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. :)
ext_14888: Yummy (Default)

[identity profile] angels3.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
I can feel the other shoe hovering ready to drop.

I loved this chapter, they finally got some lovin in and it was gentle, tender and sure.

I love this story sooooooo much.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Dum dum duuuuum!

Yay. Glad you're enjoying it.

[identity profile] readerj.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
This is gorgeous. Such a long and bumpy road to get there but, oh so, worth it.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 07:30 pm (UTC)(link)
And a long bumpy to go too. :)

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[identity profile] readerj.livejournal.com - 2008-03-08 23:42 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] dragojustine.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:34 am (UTC)(link)
oh.... *sniff* That was so beautiful and I'm so happy for them both.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 10:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. :)

[identity profile] timian.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:40 am (UTC)(link)
Aw, this is too sweet and I'm too happy to give coherent feedback. AWWWW.

Although this? "It's a little short but believe me, it's a good thing." DON'T THING I DIDN'T SEE YOU BEING ALL OMINOUS LIKE THAT. Hee.
Edited 2008-03-05 02:42 (UTC)

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 10:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you though. I appreciate it.

Heh. hOpe you still love it after next chapter.

How's that for ominous? :)

[identity profile] vesuvianite.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
Ah, that was lovely. And your tagline on the link:

about freakin' time

gave me a good chuckle. Plus, it's true!! *bg*

I love the way you craft the sentences that come out of Jensen's mouth (like "The day is off" and “Say to me of the how. Of what to do.”). We can understand what he means, but the syntax is "foreign" enough to show us that language is still difficult for him.

Brava!

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
Heh. You don't know how hard it is to keep him from slipping into yoda-speak or sounding like a badly written 5 yr old.
yoonmintjulep: (Default)

[personal profile] yoonmintjulep 2008-03-05 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
Yes. Yes. YES. ^_^ I've been checking for updates twice a day since the last chapter was put up.

And Jensen and Jared's progress into their relationship has been perfect. They're so cute together. Whole.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-08 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm thrilled at the way they're fitting. There's nothing one-sded about this relationship.

[identity profile] jennygeee.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
"Not even Jared’s first boyfriend gave him this sensation of being explored like a glorious new country. The act is so primitive. So simple. Jensen shows no embarrassment at all. What is, is, and we are, Jared thinks and maybe he’s starting to think like Jensen." - Love the innocence of Jensen and god yes, Jared should start thinking like Jensen!

“Sparkles,” Jensen laughs all breathless and sweet. “In my head.” - Just lovely!

Awesome update - absolutely loved it, at last Jared is not afraid to let go with Jensen. Can't wait for more.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
I love thinking like Jensen. :) This fic does fun stuff to my brain to write it.

Glad you enjoyed.

[identity profile] realpestilence.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
Sweetly affectionate for a first-time sex scene-and clearly mutual, with Jensen obviously understanding and wanting it, too. The last paragraph is an important step forward for Jared, and that acceptance will hopefully be a big help when he's getting roughed up by the cops or accused by his boss or whatever you've got planned. Why do I suspect we're in for angst in the next chapter...?

"It's a little short but believe me, it's a good thing."...that would be why. Sounds like a set-up for dramatic revelations, accusations, and shit. *is suspicious*


I love the slow revelations. Most writers drive me crazy with the WIPs and the tease, probably in part because they can get so coy and self-important about dangling the bait in front of their readers. You're just writing your story, trying to make it good; I never get the feeling you're writing for effect on *us*. So, yes, your pacing is very good.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:25 pm (UTC)(link)
It was so tricky to get there. I failed in the kitty-fic and the jenbot-fic and the dean/jeff fic, but this worked and the fic gets to LIIiive!

Heh. Just a little.

My first plan for the chapter-cut was an ugly cliffhanger. Like not even in the good way. I didn't want to do that to you guys, but I didn't want to have one chapter that was twice the length of any of the others.

I like writing in a 'serial' fashion because I think it makes me stronger. I have to craft each chapter like a little story with its own beginning, middle and end. So in that way it's for the effect on you guys. I don't craft my chapters to get a certain type or quantity of review and I think that's the difference.

(no subject)

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com - 2008-03-10 05:18 (UTC) - Expand
ext_16865: (spn anti-hero)

[identity profile] spinfrog.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
Well, that was great, now bring on the bad stuff, huh..

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Not so much bad as complicated.

[identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
you made me very, very happy with this update. It was beautiful, just beautiful.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay! I'm glad I let this one stand alone. All pristine and shit. :)

[identity profile] sunset-dark.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
I loved this update. Jensen is making more sense - more of his speech seems to almost follow conventional speech patterns. Oh and I love the last paragraph and the reassurance it gives. Beautiful, I hope they continue to grow together. xx

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so glad when Jensen's slow healing shows.

Next chapter he gets startled and does his "go away" language and even as the writer it's harder to have that flow as free/crazy as it used to.

I think if I had to put another Jensen chapter in towards the beginning, at this point I couldn't make it work.

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[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com - 2008-03-09 20:14 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] cattraine.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 03:05 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, so sweet--them learning the landscapes of each other.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I really enjoyed writing that scene.

[identity profile] vampirelady.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Beautiful chapter. You managed to make it nice and sentimental without making it schmoopy. Very difficult to do but you did it marvelously. It felt real and I love that about your writing and this story especially. I look forward to future updates on this all the time.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I tried to make it so much about who they are and how they connect. Glad you enjoyed.

[identity profile] ex-rosegany.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
Perfect. Every bit, Jensen making Jared feel just as precious and beautiful as he is, Jared's "I love you" and Jensen's I love you back, if in different words, the beautiful, curious, sensualness of their first time...And the last paragraph, every word, more than anything else in the world, ever. Perfect. <3

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay! This review is awesome. I'm so glad it all fit and worked and yeah. Thanks.

[identity profile] paintmydays.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
This was so much love. I love this verse so much. Amazing chapter.

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay! Thanks. :)

[identity profile] davidcrackin.livejournal.com 2008-03-05 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
This has evolved into such a great, and interesting story. I love it. Earlier in the verse I was so curious about who and what Jensen was before he was discovered by Jeff; but now I feel the same as Jared - like the Jensen of now is *the* Jensen. This reminds me of something (I forget what its from ... TV probably) there was a woman who had had a mastectomy and was considering breast implants so she could go back to being like she was before (I seem to remember her husband wanting her to get the surgery); but she comes to the realization that she does not need to be *fixed* because she doesn't feel *broken* -- who she is after the masectomy *is* who she is. I really didnt explain that well, but the point is I love how all of your stories seem to make my mind look at things differently. So yeah ... um sorry for the tangent. Great update!

[identity profile] ladyjanelly.livejournal.com 2008-03-09 09:53 pm (UTC)(link)
I am really glad to hear that the readers are coming to that conclusion with Jared. That Jensen is Jensen.

That's cool about the breast thing too. Good analogy. Who she was before is no more or less than who she is now.

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