Original fic: Earl

[ladyjanelly]

So I was looking for some very important papers today (never found the fuckers) and I found a notebook with a lot of building plans for my old house that i was doing renovations on, and in the middle, I found this piece that was the background history for a character I played in a RPG called "Deadlands."  And you know what?  It's like five years old, and I don't think it sucks.

 

 

 

 

Momma was a good woman, just not strong. Least that's what Poppa always said. She died a yella fever when I was four.

Poppa was a good man, an strong too. He was the oldest a seven brothers, never had a sister. Guess it makes sense, him dressin' me like a boy an takin' me with him when he went down south lookin' for work.

My Poppa knew horses. Never had no book-learnin' but there wasn't a horse born he couldn’t work. He gave me my first when I was five and I started helping him with the green-broke foals when I was ten.

He taught me to shoot an ride an I growed up half-wild an brown as a Indian.

Sometimes I think he half-forgot I was a girl. Always callin' me Joe an never correctin' nobody when they called me his son.

Just before the war, we fell on hard times, Poppa workin' horses on this plantation down Louisiana way.

Out front the place was a purty sight, big old trees an the houses sittin' there so white. In back I ain't seen any place so close to hell. The overseer, name a Walker, he kept the dirt there wet with the blood of those slaves. He was hard on Poppa an me too, but he couldn’t go hittin' us on account of us bein' white.

I didn’t know there was going to be a war at all, 'til those fancy-dressed boys from the big house rode out one mornin' all proud-talkin' an' promisin' to come back soon.

Week later, Poppa died. Horse kicked him an he fell like a sack a flour. Then I was all alone an Walker started gettin' nasty. Man had a hard temper an a hard hand an I learned to stay shy a both.

He caught me out back of the shed one day, started yellin' about one thing or another. Next thing I know he's pullin' my pants down. I figured he knew I was a girl an he was gonna do to me what I seen some of the other men doin' to those slave girls.

I'm lookin' at him and he's lookin' at what I ain't got an I never seen a man so mad.

He kicked me damn near half to death before this big buck, name a Earl, turns the corner an sees it an smacks Walker's head into the shed. I still don’t know if he ever got up again.

So Earl picks me up an puts my pants back on an he keeps callin' me "boy" even though he can see I ain't.

Off we went, and he had to just about carry me for a couple a days. There wasn’t much of a posse left to chase us an we got to a safe place to hide. I figured I must a been the first white girl runnin' on the underground railroad.

We got us to Missoura an Earl said he had to go join the army. He ended up infantry. I volunteerd and got messenger duty. You should a seen the sweet little paint filly they gave me. You'd a liked her.

I named her paint. I never was good at names.

I'd call you Earl, on account of you bein' black, but you ain't but a little horse an he's a big man so I'll call you Coal.

Comments

[boondockhottie.livejournal.com]

you have a flair for writing...keep it up!

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Any parts that were particularly good or memorable? How did it make you feel? What was it like, reading the end and realizing who Joe is talking to?

[boondockhottie.livejournal.com]

Hold on...let me go back and read it again. Its been a long night...

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. This is the first original fic that I think I've ever put out for public consumption, so I'm a little nervous about it.

[boondockhottie.livejournal.com]

Don't be...I used to write fic...but now its just kinda got lost.

[4bdnsn0wflake.livejournal.com]

Interesting. When I saw this was an RPG piece, I immediately thought it was going to be sci-fi or fantasy. LOL

Took me by surprise that it was Civil War-era.

You've definitely written in her speaking pattern. I'm not such a fan of that style, but I can see where with no dialogue and you trying to establish a character, it would be appropriate here.


He taught me to shoot an ride an I growed up half-wild an brown as a Indian.

^ Liked this description. She's a spunky little thing, and a survivor.


he kept the dirt there wet with the blood of those slaves.

^ That's a powerful, "feeling" image.


I'm lookin' at him and he's lookin' at what I ain't got an I never seen a man so mad.

^ Interesting twist that Walker was going to rape her until he found out she was a girl. That's a switch on the way these things usually go!


The shift at the very end seemed abrupt to me. I expected her to talk next about being in the army or that she'd still be at war.

From one horse to the other just seemed like a hard jump.

However, considering that the purpose of this was background info, you certainly did paint a clear, understandable picture of who this girl is and where she came from.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Deadlands was Da Bomb. I loved that game. It was all wild-west and using poker cards and chips as often as dice. It rocked.

Yeah, this character was so "me" if I'd been raised in a different age. When I was growing up, my mom trained horses for a living off and on for years. When I was like pre-Kindergarden age, she had me holding the lead on this quarter-horse that freaked out over something and lifted me off my feet. I rode until I got in a car accident at age 7 and we sold the horses. She got back into it when I was like 10 and I'd ride the horses that were too young to take an adult rider. It was very cool.

My grandmother used to tell me I was "Brown as an indian".

^ Interesting twist that Walker was going to rape her until he found out she was a girl. That's a switch on the way these things usually go!


A switch, but I feel a realistic one. Most sexual predators like that have a 'type' that they are fixated on. Dunno why I wanted to show that, but I can't think of a reason to take it out. Seems to work there.

I may play with the end. Smooth it up a bit.

Thanks for the feedback. :)
-J.

[maras-morgue.livejournal.com]

This is good. *yay* original writing. Now I think I've read all your fics to date :). I really enjoy your writing style. Very descriptive. An' you're good at staying in character :D

-M

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Heh. I remember this one.

Wow.

You're one of the few to find and/or comment on that. Awesome.

It's very flattering when people like even my original fiction stuff.

Very cool.

Did you read the Boondock Saints fics too?