ladyjanelly | Fic: "In From the Cold" J2 AU rated-R Ch. 18/?

Jensen talks to cops
Jeff watches cops
Jared worries. A lot.

Unbeta-ed pending Embroiderama's return to LJ-world.
Hope everything is okay.

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The police who comes inside to talk to Jensen is a woman and Jensen remembers what Jared said about being not-afraid and strong and calm and they can’t take him away if he isn’t scared and isn’t angry.

He thinks maybe it’s easier that the cop is a woman because her eyes are calm and quiet and she is strong in a way no woman he knows is. Inside herself strong and no trying to prove it because she knows it. She’s like all the things he is supposed to be and he pretends to be her mirror and breathe when she breathes and tip his head when she tips her head and feel the mirror of her strong heart in his.

Jensen watches the officer from the side of his eyes and wonders if she can see the inside of him where he is bits of days tied with wire and string like a bird’s nest of a person.

Jared waits outside with her partner and Jensen hears them talking through the door but he can’t understand their words. Can’t listen to the words because he has to be busy being calm now.

“Hi,” says the woman-cop. “What’s your name?”

And even that is a hard question because he knows who he is but not who she thinks he is. He wants to tell her words to make her not look at him but he doesn’t think she’ll go away. He breathes slow through his nose like she does and smiles back her tiny smile.

“Jensen,” he says. “The street is Jensen too.”

She smiles like Jared did the first time Jensen met him. Not mean and not scary.

“Is this where you live?”

He nods. “I like it. Here. Jared is good.” His heart pounds in his chest thump ditty thump.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” She asks. “We could take you. Nobody could follow you or hurt you.”

“No going. Don’t want to.” He can think of nothing worse than being taken away from Jared.

“Are you scared, Jensen?”

He remembers what Jared said but she has to see it has to know and he says “You put scared in me.”

She makes a laugh at that and shakes her head. “That explains my lack of a social life. Does Jared ever hurt you?”

He coughs in his nose at a thing that couldn’t be and shakes his head. “Ever never. Jared is good.”

She smiles then some sad and some tired.

“Okay then. That’s all. You have a nice afternoon.”

Jensen sits back down at his working table and finds the tweezers and the copper and starts to work again. He doesn’t know how many days there will be or how much time he has and he wants this one thing to be perfect.

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Jensen's already working on a project when Jared comes back through the door. He tries to respect Jensen's working time. If the inspiration has struck he obviously needs to work through whatever project has caught his fancy.

Now though, Jared worries. About the day and Mackenzie and the police and who Jensen might be under the injury that changed his life.

“Hey,” he says and drifts over. Jensen is working on something so tiny Jared can barely see it. Strands of copper from an old phone cord nearly as fine as human hair. Tweezers to pull and twist and poke one thread through the others. Jensen's fingers hide the rest from his sight.

Jensen leans back against him and closes his eyes and Jared feels relief that whatever may be going on in Jensen's head it isn’t anger at him.

“Want to come sit on the couch for a little while?”

Jensen shakes his head and goes back to working. He looks more tired and worn out than he has in months and god how could a stupid trip to the museum go so wrong?

Jared could take it personal that Jensen doesn’t want to cuddle but he doesn’t. Just lets Jensen take whatever he needs at whatever speed feels right. Jensen reaches for Jared’s hand when he thinks to step away and Jared pulls up a chair behind Jensen's and sits down. He smoothes the hair away from Jensen's neck and places a gentle kiss there behind his ear.

“I love you,” Jared whispers in case Jensen has forgotten it or stopped believing in it. “No matter what happens. No matter anything. I love you.”

“Yours,” Jensen whispers. “Ever forever.” And even not facing each other he puts more truth in those words than Jared has ever heard.

Jensen works and Jared watches until the buzz of his cell distracts him.

The number that caller ID brings up is an out-of-town area code and he knows who it is before he answers. “Hey.” Jensen looks puzzled and Jared hugs him around the shoulders. Leaves him to his tiny project. “Hang on.”

He goes into the bedroom and when he glances back before closing the door Jensen's complete attention is focused on his work. And hell if he’ll let a stranger know how hard this day has been even if she is a blood relation to the man who was.

“Okay, I’m back. He’s working and I didn’t want to disturb him with this call…”

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Jeff watches the investigation. Cops everywhere talking to the good citizens of the neighborhood. A forensics team checking out the shop where Mr. Ratt-kill got the crap beat out of him. Not a long checking out though and Jeff guesses the guy is still breathing somewhere.

Things are rough for the first couple days. Probably will be for a while. People who work legit jobs and live in apartments they actually pay rent on get jumpy when someone they think is like them gets beat up. Jumpy but not organized. Not supportive of each other or watching their neighbors’ backs. Suspicious of everything and Jeff supposes it’s because they feel like they got a lot to lose.

He keeps what street people he can out of the area. Karen and her kids. No sense child services looking to take a good mom with bad luck away from her little ones. He finds Whiskey Dan a place to sleep it off for a few days so he won’t get picked up for pissin’ on the walls in front of the police.

He borrows one of Dan’s empties for a prop and spills the last drops on his shirt before he weaves his way to a corner he can watch from. It doesn’t take long to figure out which cops are involved in this case and who is just stoppin’ by to collect evidence. Big guy built like a side of beef seems to be in charge of hassling people. Makes his way through the people who have ties to the area and then starts on the people who just sleep on its streets and live in its alleyways.

When he gets around to Jeff he doesn’t get anything useful. Jeff knows how to play it too sober to be taken in for a D&D charge but too much of an alcoholic to have any brain cells left.

Jeff doesn’t like the questions the cop with the jaw asks. Looking to see if anybody saw a tall guy, young, go in a couple of nights ago. Night of the beating. Jeff knows the vic didn’t get a good look at his face but still. Even if he had he wouldn’t call Jeff young by any stretch.

The only guy Jeff knows that’s tall and young is Jared and worry makes him slip up his act. Seem too drunk. The cop grabs him by his shirt and pulls him in and shakes him like a rat.

“You even listening to me you waste of fucking air?” he shouts in Jeff’s face. Being an asshole is no reason for a man to die but it takes Jeff a breath to stomp down on the urge to smash the man’s windpipe all exposed there at eye level.

“Ain seen no tall boys,” Jeff slurs and the cop half shoves and half-drops him. Jeff takes the fall but lines up the sprawl he ends in so that he can kick the cop’s knee out if he has to.

“You remember seein’ something you call me.” He drops a card on Jeff’s chest. “You see that tall guy doing anything suspicious you call me. If shit goes down and you didn’t call me I’ll find you.”

Jeff doesn’t laugh. He’d have to fight or get hurt if he laughs and he doesn’t have time for either.

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“The patina needs a seal,” is the first sentence from Jensen's mouth when Jared comes back out of the bedroom. He sits on the couch with his feet tucked up half under him and watches Jared like he holds the mysteries of the universe in his hands. Maybe for Jensen he does.

“What’s a patina?” Jared asks as he kicks off his shoes and they stretch out side by side and half on top of each other on the narrow cushions.

Jensen holds up a warm-shining copper ring. It’s flat as a keychain ring and almost a quarter inch wide. He hands it over and Jared turns it to the light to admire the work. A sparse framework of copper threads appear to be the base for layers and layers of intricate weaving and twisting and swirls of wire sewn down in complex abstract designs.

“Patina lets the old in,” Jensen says and rests his head on Jared’s chest.

Jared holds the ring and tries to figure if Jensen means the gift the same way most lovers would. He can’t know for sure though and he asks “Is this for me?”

Jensen pinches the skin of his ribs hard enough for Jared to squirm but not hard enough to hurt. Okay, maybe it was a stupid question. He slides the ring onto his finger and isn’t surprised that it fits. His Jensen is amazing after all.

“Forever ever,” Jensen whispers. “If the man takes me. For memories.”

“What? What man? Nobody’s taking you, Jensen. Not without a judge making me let you go and the chances of that are pretty damn slim.”

“Him,” Jensen whispers against Jared’s shirt and softer “Davis.”

Jared counts to ten to gather his thoughts and put things the right way.

“Do you remember at all? Now that you’ve met Mackenzie?”

Jensen is still for long moments. “I remember hurt. Cold. Scared so deep. I remember stealing of the cat’s food. Hungry and lost and more more scared.”

Jared strokes Jensen's hair and soothes him as much as he can.

“But no family memories? No memories of being him?”

Jensen shakes his head again.

“Look,” Jared says. “I’m not an expert on brain damage, but if you were hit and lost your memory because of that, the chances of you just remembering everything one day aren’t very likely.”

He thinks about the dregs of his savings account and how many favors he could possibly call in and from who.

“Do you want to go to a real doctor? For--tests. To see what’s going on in there and what could happen next?”

“Don’t want him back,” Jensen whispers and Jared kisses the top of his head. God damn why does this have to be so hard on the best person Jared knows.

“I don’t want you to be afraid forever,” Jared says. If there’s a physical reason for Jensen's mental state then Davis might be gone for good. If not--if this is all some extreme reaction to an psychological trauma-- Jared crushes the thought. Jensen is not going to wake up tomorrow as Davis. Not. End of story. He can’t even bear to think about it. Jensen is happy and Jared would give anything to keep him that way.

“You’ll be with me on the tests?” Jensen's voice is so small and so lost.

“As much as they’ll let me,” Jared answers. “I can’t be there for everything but I’ll stay as much as I possibly can.”

Jensen nudges Jared’s jaw with his cheek and then his lips and Jared recognizes it for the affection it is and not as an invitation for sex and he kisses Jensen slow and gentle. Breathes in the scent of him and savors the taste. If this is one of their last nights together he wants to remember this. The soft touches. The closeness.

He tries not to hate Davis. Without him Jensen never would have been. Never would have come to Jared’s life. Davis can stay gone at this point as far as Jared is concerned. Far gone.

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