Child-rearing

[ladyjanelly]

There's a disadvantage to raising a kid of a different race than me.

I have failed my Kendra by lack of knowledge.

When I went to wake her up on Thursday her face was swollen.  One eye almost shut and the tip of her nose and her lips.  Like bad-swollen.

We tried benedryl.  We tried Ibuprofin.  We tried Blistex.  

Nothing helped.

Today while Sam and I were out at a cookout/armor building thing she called her grandmother.

Apparently that's how Kendra reacts to sunburn.

I feel like a bad mommy. 

Comments

[cali5.livejournal.com]

Listen hon, I don't know you and I just friended you recently, but what I just read is from a pretty good mommy. You may not know everything, but you try and figure it out as you go along. Yeah, you have to stay on your toes when your child has a different background than you are used to, but it could also have been your biological child suffering from something that is a throwback to past generations and you would have had to consult a mother or grandmother or aunt.

It's keep up as you go along, being a parent. I'm not a parent, but I watch my sister and it's a tough job. Keep doing your best -- it sounds like you are.

Oh, and if it makes you feel any better. I am African American and didn't really think I had to worry about the sun (never had a problem with it growing up) until I was in college and hung out at the beach all day with my college roommate -- and with no sun protection. Well, I learned that night that, yes, I can sunburn and wow -- that's how it feels (this is what all my paler, Caucasian friends had been talking about, lol) -- not fun. So, the learning doesn't stop as you get older.

OK, rambling now. Hang in there!

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Oh, heh. as a new friend, I feel I should mention that Kendra turns 20 in a month and has been living with us for a little less than 2 yrs.

But yeah. It is tricky. Even she didn't know what was going on. We got her a bike recently and she's riding to her friend's. I'm guessing the position of the sun and the little visor on her helmet just exposed her left side and nose and mouth.

She's been sunburned before but not on her face. This swelling stuff is new. Her grandmother said ice and a baking soda paste and that's helping a lot. She's almost back to normal.

Kind of glad we didn't have to take her to a doctor for a relatively minor sunburn though.

Rambling is all good. :) I'll take all the help I can get.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Imagine my horror when I found out that 'yes, Roxy, you can get a sunburn too.' Fifty years laughing up my sleeve and then--that happened. I was all "White people go through this *every* year? Get out in the sun *knowing* the agony they're going to suffer???"

And right now, thanks to helping out at a yard sale and pooh-poohing sunscreen like an idiot, my lips are *buuuuurning*.

[cali5.livejournal.com]

Imagine my horror when I found out that 'yes, Roxy, you can get a sunburn too.'

That's exactly how I felt that first time it happened to me -- haha. It also made me realize that there really is no such thing as a stupid comment/question/thought ("I didn't know that Black people get sunburned"). Sometimes you just don't know, until you know!

I feel I should mention that Kendra turns 20 in a month and has been living with us for a little less than 2 yrs.

And finding out about sunburn at the ripe old age of 20 -- yep, that's about when it happened to me.

[tabaqui]

Heeeeeee!
No no. We *really* white people hide under umbrellas and SPF fifty sunscreen.
:)

I got my share of burns as a kid - the worst being after going on a float trip with my church. Water + shiny aluminum canoe = omfg!!! The tops of my thighs were lobster-red. So un-fun.
*smooches you*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Hell yeah, sunscreen from now on!! *hughug* Sunburns are like your body taking revenge on you!

[tabaqui]

They are!
And we deserve it. Heh.

[lomer.livejournal.com]

You're not a bad mommy. You did the logical things when reacting to swelling, it's not your fault you didn't know.

[gal-montag.livejournal.com]

Every mommy has those moments. My mom never did get the hang of doing my hair. And it's not like you're born just knowing these things there's a little bit of a learning curve.

[faith-mars.livejournal.com]

Don't feel like that. You just can't know everything. :)

[sidura.livejournal.com]

It doesn't sound to me like you are a bad mom, even if she is almost 20.

You tried everything you could think of and trust me Granny always seems to know something that you don't.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

Have you tried aloe? If you've access to an actual plant,you can cut off a "leaf", slice it open longwise for application, and then keep it in the refrigerator in a sealed bag for future applications. If not, many of the creams or gels that have aloe in them are very soothing.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

that Bad Mommy mojo is a killer. i've had it wake me up in the middle of the night and make me cry. the responsibility for a young person is heavy, and as others have said above here, we can't know everything. it sounds to me like you did all the things i'd have tried, too. i'm glad her grandma recognized what was happening.

[elzybub.livejournal.com]

Owchie. I swear the sun in Texas is stronger than anywhere else in the US.

[elmathelas.livejournal.com]

Ibuprofen (Vitamin I) is almost never the wrong answer when there is swelling and pain involved, and blistex is soothing and benign, so even though you didn't know why she was swelling you did the right things. Benadryl is almost always a good thing with weird swelling, too, and at night it might help her sleep if she's still in pain.

Yeah, I love drugs, what of it?

[tabaqui]

Oh, man. Haven't we all had those 'omg, i suck as a mom!' moments? They're the pits, but they happen. You learn and you move on.
*hugs*

[angels3.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't say that's from raising a child from a different race that's just raising a child. Do you know which child is going to be allergic to penicillen until they have a reaction? Do we know which child will have a reaction to a bee sting? Nope each child is different and until we encounter something that makes them break out, swell, or worse we don't know.

Now you do and can take steps in the future. It doesn't make you a bad mom it makes you human just like everbody else and we love you and so does Kendra.

[vastian-steel.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're a bad mom. You face a problem and took steps to rectify it - which is better then those folks who'd left their children to fend for themselves.

No doubt Kendra is almost 20 and had lived with you for almost 2 years now - it's still considered a pretty short period of time to learn about these quirks and reactions - after all, you can't expect all kinds of scenarios to befall on someone all at one go...

I guess that's what makes bringing up kids that difficult and why it's considered such a learning experience.

Cheers,

[ixchel55.livejournal.com]

I may never have had a hand in raising kids, but even I know that child rearing (even 20 year olds!) is a learning experience. No two kids/people react exactly the same, physically or mentally to the same situation. Even Kendra didn't know what was going on apparently.

You live, you learn. Now you know.

Hang in there.