Life update

[ladyjanelly]

SSRI withdrawal--I think its day 11.
For the past few days I haven't been dizzy much.  Driving short trips (to the vet for the cat and to chick-fil-a).  Went out today and got really dizzy and stayed at chick-fil-a until it went away. 

Invoiced out $400 worth of autocad work today! Yay! That'll come in handy and I looove clients who pay quick.  And I've still got 1 or 2 jobs to do for them this week (one for sure, they may send a second).

Pregnancy is making me horny.  OMG.  Unbelievably.

You ever have someone tell you an ugly truth about how they feel about you and have it change the whole friendship?

Someone said something really hurtful to me two days ago, about what sort of person I am and will always be.  She apologized later, and I forgive her because I can't be mad at her for being honest about her feelings. But on the other hand, it makes so much sense in the way we interact.   I can see her thinking "why bother altering my behavior when the result will always be X?"  

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Comments

[ninasis.livejournal.com]

God, I was horribly sexed up when I was pregnant. From about the middle of my second trimester until the middle of my third. My husband was in HEAVEN. (Of course every ounce of my sex drive died a horrible, painful death after and I'm still trying to resurrect it. LOL!)

And man, I think I might be the other person in your friendship. My BFF asked me something a couple of weeks ago, and asked me to be completely honest, and I was and I know I hurt her feelings. Brutal honesty almost always hurts. She says she's glad that I told her the truth, but at the same time I've apparently discouraged her from the plans that she's always had in the back of her mind for the rest of her life. It's really bothered me ever since we talked, but I've kind of been avoiding it. I guess she's had this picture in her mind of the kind of person she COULD be and feels like inside, while I see her as she is now, and has been for the last 10 or so years, and the two views are wildly different.

Ugh. Sorry to ramble in your LJ! Heh.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

That's hard, to be the giver of brutal honesty. Although she asked. I didn't even ask. This person was talking to my husband about me in front of me and just said it so matter-of-factly. It hurts to hear her say that the things I'm working so hard to change about myself will never improve. Especially since I've put so much time and effort into encouraging her and helping her with her own issues. I'm really seeing how one-sided some parts of this relationship have been.

My poor hubby is on a drug with sexual side-effects so he's not even enjoying the uptick in sex-drive as much as he could. :)

[allzugern.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you're not having too extreme a reaction to getting off the meds. Seriously, it's insane that your obgyn did not take care of the issue before. I hope it continues to be okay for you, even with the occasional dizzy spells.

Heh, I found the incredible amount of lust-for-sex probably the best side effect of pregnancy :-)

And if that's how she feels and tailors her reactions/conversations with you accordingly, how do you ever have any chance at actually being friends except at a superficial level?

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I've had a harder time being diplomatic since I've been off the meds, which started the whole brutal-honesty thing. The withdrawal side-effects could have been much much worse though.

I just feel so crushed right now. Like--I've always believed in her and encouraged her. And I realize she's rarely done the same for me. One of the first times I'm really struggling and her attitude is "why even try?"

[allzugern.livejournal.com]

Which begs the question - what exactly does she get out of being friends with you? I mean, I can't see trying to develop a relationship with someone you have such negative issues with (her not you). People are complicated.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

What she gets:

free room and board away from her mom

every luxury my husband and I would give our own child--from rides around town to a christmas gift that was more expensive than what I got to encouragement getting into classes to a bike so she wouldn't feel trapped her to us taking her out to eat with us whenever we do

What I get:

A companion to be around when Sam's at work and his hobbies
-She's either cheerful and funny or bitter and angry. No middle ground. The ratio varies week to week

Shopping help (wal-mart stresses me sometimes)

Help keeping house (although she's been almost more trouble than it's worth on this lately)

Help working in the garden/lifting heavier things while I'm pregnant

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I'm really starting to see the disparity in how much each of us puts into this relationship.

[1orelei.livejournal.com]

Are you sure you can't be a smidge mad at them, just for a little bit? I don't mean stew and shred your own piece of mind over it, but it appears to have given you an insight both into yourself AND the giver... which is why it's pretty dangerous to go tossing brutal honesty about.

Bleh. Apparently I think in song lyrics, because now the Corr's "Forgiven, not Forgotten" is running through my brain.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I honestly wanted to hit her at that moment more than I've wanted to hit a human in my life. I know that's partly the med-withdrawal talking but jesus.

I'm feeling used (because I've tried to be supportive of her during her own crazies) and sad and I don't believe her assessment of me is accurate, but if she does (and her behavior seems to support that) then how can we be friends?

[1orelei.livejournal.com]

Huh. I see from above that your husband was there when this happened - what's his take? Not that I'm asking you to share, but if you're blaming withdrawal for some of your reaction (and there's always those wacky pregnancy hormones) he should be free from the influence of either. Of course he probably has his own biases - wanting to look out for your emotional well-being being a likely suspect. :)

But since I don't know you, or her, all I can really offer is the advice I give my own boys: a friend is someone who makes you feel better about yourself more often than not. I like it because it does make allowances for periodically screwing up (which is something I need in my own relationships, as I've definite flake tendencies.)

[lexstar29.livejournal.com]

I really feel for you in the situation with your friend. I had a situation pretty similar sounding to this a few months back. I think you are justified in feeling hurt. After all, it sounds as if she's saying there's no point in you trying to change things, when you are trying. That 'why bother' attitude doesn't sit well with me. If there's something you're trying to change she should support you in that no matter what. We're all a work in progress and I don't think anyone is qualified to say to another that they will always be a certain way, after all, as well as a friend can know you, they can't ever really know the extent of your motivation to change an aspect of your interactions or personality or whatever it may be!

I think it hurts even more if it highlights the disparity in the relationship, ie if you are supportive of them, but aren't getting it back.

[oddnumbereven.livejournal.com]

I just want to pipe in, lexstar29 makes the points I'd like to make beautifully. It's sad, and damn hard, for friendships to stop short, or even stutter majorly, but often it's the healthiest thing.

[eldercat.livejournal.com]

Knowing who it is I really just want to chalk it up to youthful inexperience.
You have changed a lot in the time I have known you, and you have definitely grown and improved yourself. To suggest that you are incapable of personal growth or positive change, is just short-sighted.