Mercy III

[ladyjanelly]

Warnings:  More with the hurt and the death and the dying.

 

Connor is calling him. Strong fingers grip his.

"Murph, get a hold of yourself," his brother's voice says, but he's not angry or impatient like Murphy remembers him being so often.

"There is no place here for that. Let it go, Murphy. Let it be."

Fingers brush his hair back from forehead, and he tries to focus on those fingers, let himself be drawn to them, but he's not strong enough. As much as he wants to be here, to stay here, the world slips away on him again and becomes a field of white. He's running, and Connor just behind him. The air is so cold it burns his lungs and stabs his cheeks like a hundred good steel pins.

Connor has the gun. He knows this, as surely as he knows Connor will not use it. They cannot kill a good man. There are costs higher than death.

They struggle through knee-deep snow, heading for a sparse tree-line ahead of them. Murphy hopes that the branches will have kept some of the snow off of the ground, or that they can hide there, but he doesn’t really expect it to be so.

A grey shape shoots across the snow towards them, faster than they can hope to travel. "Connor!" he shouts. "The dog. Shoot the damn dog!"

They know the silent bastard of a wolfhound. Rory's dog, and his master can't be far behind. They stop and Connor fumbles with half-frozen fingers to get the gun out and pointed in the right direction. Not fast enough and Murphy steps in between.

The hound almost outweighs him, and the force of its charge bowls them both over into the snow. He takes the crush of jaws on the arm instead of the throat, wishing for the thickness of a coat to keep teeth off of his skin because the sweater he's wearing is doing no good at all. And then Connor is there, pressing the pistol against the beast's ribs and pulling the trigger.

His elbow is almost wrenched from the socket as it falls.

They run again, Murphy cradling his arm against his side, leaving a fresh blood trail in the sharp white of the snow. Connor's ahead now, and it seems it should be the other way around, but to say so would take too much effort.

He hears the shot and starts to fall before the sensation of impact registers.

"Conn..." he calls out as he's tumbling face-first into his brother's footprints.

"No! Murph!" and he is shamed by the anguish in Connor's voice, shamed that he has caused the one he loves more than even God such pain.

"Run. Go." He tries to say but his voice won't work and Connor's rolling him over and trying to stop the gushing of blood with his hand. The bullet's gone through him and the damn sweater is truly ruined now, he thinks.

"How could y'do it, Connor?" Rory's voice is sharp as the wind. "He trusted you two. You were family for Christ's sake!"

"We claim no kinship with evil men." Connor's words are calm, but there's a shadow of anger there. "The blood of innocent women and children stained his hands. There was a darkness in his soul that would never be cleansed."

Murphy wants to tell him to just shoot the bastard, but there's no strength left save that of Connor's arms around his shoulders, holding his head free of the snow. The cold seeps into him though, a dull aching numbness that is spreading up from hands and feet towards his heart. His fingers twitch, to no effect.

"Those 'innocents' died to send a message," Rory sneers.

"So did your Da." Connor answers and Murphy knows the boy won't understand, but at this point it doesn’t matter a bit.

The rifle-shot echoes across the cold and empty field. Connor's blood is hot against his cheek. He falls beside Murphy, his hand still over Murphy's chest as if to try and stop his bleeding, even in death.

Murph hears the sound of the gun being reloaded, and he feels the emptiness in the world where his brother's soul should be.

Rory's shadow passes between Murphy and the cloud-shrouded glow of the sun. Tears shine in the boy's eyes as he raises the stock to his shoulder.

Murphy looks up at those eyes, the same blue-grey as his own. "Shoot," He whispers.

Comments

[sabreslt21.livejournal.com]

You are trying to kill me woman...

Lovely fics indeed.

<333

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Okay, you're the first to comment, so you get my request-for-concrit questions. Yeah, I know that doesnt give you so much incentive to be first-commenter next time.

I'm asking because I want to do some edits on this before I post it on the bds_fic group.

Feel free to answer as few or many as you want.

Does the fic tell you enough to know who Rory's da was, at least like what type of persons he's killed and the conflict the boys've gotten caught up in?

Does it make sense that they won't shoot Rory?

Does it show the setting enough that you don't feel lost?

I had no idea what a wolfhound sounded like, so I made Rory's dog recognizeable by its lack of voice. Was that cheesy?

[soulful-demon.livejournal.com]

1. No, I have to say it's isnt clear enough, but you made more description in the end, I've have more understanding about it.
2. Actually no, but I would expect rory to shoot himself when this end
3. I'm kinda lost and I have to read like 2-3 times to visualise the setting in my mind. You have interesting choice of words, but it would be great if you could write more description on the setting about.

I'd still say it's wonderful. I kinda hoped murphy to die first though,why he always have to be the last to die? (after connor)anyway, well done!

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I really appreciate it. It really gives me an idea where I need to put more words before I post it on the bds_fic group.

(Oh, and connor dies first because the fic is set from Murphy's POV and if Murphy died first, you wouldnt be sure that Connor did too, without me slipping perspective, a choice I have decided not to do this fic. Also, it's part of their reccuring 'fate' in this piece)

[sabreslt21.livejournal.com]

Does the fic tell you enough to know who Rory's da was, at least like what type of persons he's killed and the conflict the boys've gotten caught up in?
Not really. I was left wonderingwhat the boys did. I mean they never get caught. A flashback or intro on what happened would work.

Does it make sense that they won't shoot Rory?
Yes. He's a good man.

Does it show the setting enough that you don't feel lost?
yes

I had no idea what a wolfhound sounded like, so I made Rory's dog recognizeable by its lack of voice. Was that cheesy?
Lol.... no of corse not. I liked the description you had.


<33 Hope that helped a bit.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Yes, very helpful. Gotta go back and make some changes. I've done some work on two also, and it's starting to come together a little clearer, I think.

thank you so much for taking the time to get into the nitty gritty for me.

-J.

[(Anonymous)]

Wonderful.

[4bdnsn0wflake.livejournal.com]

Hey.

Just wanted to let you know that I wasn't able to get through this because of the violence.

This is absolutely a personal taste thing for me, but it's just too vivid, and I can't get past it to really concentrate on the rest of the fic.

I may just be having a few bad days where I'm overly-sensitive to the descriptions of the injuries and violence. I can get that way sometimes.

I'll come back in a few days and try to read this again. Maybe then I can be a bit more helpful and give some useful feedback.


No hard feelings, I hope.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

No hard feelings at all. It's a rough fic.

If it's bringing you down, don't even come back to it. Giving me feedback isnt worth being sad over, y'know?

It's not required of you that you like or even read everything I write.

Be nice to you.
-J.

[4bdnsn0wflake.livejournal.com]

Ah, hey. I like your writing. I like that it is so realistic. I just sometimes have moods where I get overly-sensitive, and I need to back away for a bit.

I'm particularly sensitive to animals being killed, and then the description of Murphy's elbow nearly coming apart was just too much at the time.

It passed. I'm cool now, and I read this all the way through.


Does the fic tell you enough to know who Rory's da was, at least like what type of persons he's killed and the conflict the boys've gotten caught up in?

^ I'm assuming that Rory's Da is with the IRA and that he's taken part in bombings, etc. that have killed innocent people.

It's not overly-obvious, though, if that is correct. I'm just assuming it has something to do with the politics in Ireland, because the boys are Irish.


Does it make sense that they won't shoot Rory?

^ Yes and no. I see that at the beginning they believe that Rory is a good man, so it would make sense they wouldn't fire on him first. But once he shoots Murphy, I would say that that act would make him a "bad" person, and that Connor would shoot him to protect Murphy, if nothing else, if Connor still had a gun.

I'm also getting that Rory is a blood relative of theirs, since his eyes are the same as Murphy's. But, again, I think Connor would kill anyone who tried to hurt Murphy, regardless of the relationship.


Does it show the setting enough that you don't feel lost?

^ I can't tell for sure whether or not they're in Ireland. I'm guessing they're out in the country somewhere. Maybe they were hiding out in a cabin and Rory tracked them and chased them out into the snow?


I had no idea what a wolfhound sounded like, so I made Rory's dog recognizeable by its lack of voice. Was that cheesy?

^ I thought it made the animal that much more menacing that it was silent, actually. Certainly didn't bother me that you didn't describe its howls or whatever.


"We claim no kinship with evil men." Connor's words are calm, but there's a shadow of anger there. "The blood of innocent women and children stained his hands. There was a darkness in his soul that would never be cleansed."

^ This speech seems a bit preachy to me. Rory presumably already knows the kinds of things his father did, and likely the arguments against such behaviors as well. I'm assuming Rory is at least a teenager? It's really difficult to tell how old he is.


Also, I got confused a few times who "he" was referring to between Connor and Murphy. It was never impossible to figure, but there were times when I had to stop and go back to make sure I had it right.


He's running, and Connor just behind him. The air is so cold it burns his lungs and stabs his cheeks like a hundred good steel pins.

^ I would suggest making this its own paragraph in order to make the transition from the after-death place to the "memories".


So, you tell me, worth me coming back to say this stuff? ;)

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the animal thing gets me too...Heh, you notice that the dog's hurt is so much less graphic than the boys'. Murphy's arm in this piece is played by my friend David, who tore the hell out of the ligaments in his left elbow and is being threatened with surgery by hs doctor.

You got it right on the nose with the Ireland thing and the IRA thing. I was wanting to imply it but not say it.

I'll play more with why they won't shoot Rory...

Again, bingo on the setting. Ireland, in the country somewhere. I didnt feel it needed to be more specific than that.

I think I need to do more with Murphy's thoughts about why Rory's going to kill them instead of Connor's words. I pictured Rory around sixteen. Too young to be killing and dying for this shit.

I'll work on clarifying the pronouns a little, and seperating the between-place from the memories.

So, you tell me, worth me coming back to say this stuff? ;)

It is wonderful feedback, and very useful. I dont think there is feedback in this world so good, however, that I would trade it for a friend reading something she didnt want to read and being genuinely sad when it was over. I'm glad though that you wanted to go back to it and that you were in a better place when you did.

[4bdnsn0wflake.livejournal.com]

I think I need to do more with Murphy's thoughts about why Rory's going to kill them instead of Connor's words.

^ Yes, I think getting more into Murphy's thoughts would definitely be helpful to the reader.


I pictured Rory around sixteen.

^ I was thinking sixteen/seventeen. :)


I dont think there is feedback in this world so good, however, that I would trade it for a friend reading something she didnt want to read and being genuinely sad when it was over.

^ Well, I am a rather weird chap. There are things that I definitely know I can't handle, and I won't read those fics no matter who writes them.

But other stuff...like I said, sometimes I'm just in moods where it's too much and I need a break, but I can come back to it when I'm in a better space.

I don't mind being sad after I read something if that's the emotion it's meant to inspire. Writing that can elicit genuine human emotion is the best kind, IMO.