Look After Your Brother ch 1
Jan. 28th, 2005 08:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyjanellyTitle: Look After Your Brother
Author: LadyJanelly
Rating: R this chapter, maybe higher for others
Pairing: Connor/Murphy eventually
Warnings: (for this chapter) Mentions of child abuse, violence, profanity
Disclaimer: I own no irish boys. All writing done for my own amusement and that of my non-paying audience.
Feedback: Gives me a reason to write and post these things instead of just playing with them in my head.
Summary: That which cannot be prevented must be avenged: A tale of childhood and long-term consequences.
"Look after your brother."
Every morning as they left for school, these were the words their ma said goodbye with. She said it to both of them at once. She didn’t care if they made good marks; the things she taught them after school was over were much more important. So what if they got held back a year, as long as they were together. She didn’t tell them to stay out of trouble; they knew what they could get away with and what would cause too much attention.
"Look after your brother."
And Connor was good at that. Murphy was too, but Connor liked to think of himself as the older brother; the strong one, the protective one. They were the bane of schoolyard bullies. Where one was, the other wasn’t far behind. They might not be very big for their age, but they fought dirty, and you always knew where they had been.
"Look after your brother."
Connor tried. With all his little heart, he tried. Fourth grade was the first time they were split up in school. Connor had Ms. Rhodes. Murphy had Mr. Harris.
"Look after your brother."
Murphy's nightmares began in the winter, just after Christmas break was over. He stopped wanting to go out and play. He wouldn't throw snowballs or chase around the back alleys or climb on the fire escapes. He couldn’t sleep without a light on.
He wet the bed once, and Connor tried to hide it for him. When Ma caught it anyways, he said he had done, not Murph. He told her it was an accident, drinking too much water before sleeping. They stuck together, even against her.
Murphy was sad, Connor tried to make it better. He teased and poked and tried to force Murphy to be happy again. He begged, he pleaded, he cajoled. All of it was useless.
And then came the night that Murphy woke in the dark and wouldn’t stop crying and Connor knew that something was too wrong for him to fix. He woke Ma and together they comforted his brother. It took a long time. Murphy was afraid. Mr. Harris had made him afraid; told him if he wasn’t good, that bad things would happen to Connor and Ma.
Connor watched while she took Murphy's clothes off. He saw bruises where there shouldn’t be bruises. There was blood in Murphy's underwear. He had failed. Murphy was hurt and it was all his fault. He wanted to cry but he didn't deserve to, so he was strong, and held Murph's hand while Ma cleaned him with a washcloth and his brother cried instead.
They moved to the tiny apartment's other room, and snuggled into a pile on the couch where Ma usually slept alone.
"Connor," her voice was soft. Murphy slept at last.
"Yeah, Ma?"
"We will make it right. We take care of our own, and what cannot be prevented must be avenged."
Connor cried then, like a baby, like a stupid girl. He hid his face in his mother's dark hair and sobbed his heart out onto her shoulder.
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The gun was cold and heavy in his hands. He had helped Ma clean it and load it. Now he held it for her, knowing that she'd need to have it quick when she needed it.
Mr. Harris' house was quiet, except for the sound of a TV on the other side of the door. Ma had boosted him up to the window, and he had told her the man was sleeping in a chair.
"Ready?" He couldn’t understand how she could be so calm, so sure. She had a big hammer in her hands, like the men used on construction sites or something.
He couldn’t talk. He thought he might pee himself. But he had never hated a man like he hated Mr. Harris, and he was ready, so he nodded.
The hammer hit the doorknob, and they both turned away as the glass on the door shattered. The gun was taken out of his hands, and Ma was through the door and into the living room before the last glittering bits had hit the sidewalk.
"Make a fuss and I'll blow your bollocks off, I swear to god." Mr. Harris was awake, scrambling back from her and the gun. Connor followed behind her, his eyes wide and his heart pounding.
He had never loved his mother more. She was so strong, so steady. Like when Mrs O'Connell's husband had the drink in him and Ma had to go next door and make him go walk it off.
She tossed Mr. Harris a pair of handcuffs. She pointed with her free hand, not the gun, over to the banister. "Through th' rails. Lock both wrists. Now, if ye want t' keep your anatomy."
When he was all locked in she went up to him and kicked his feet out from under him. Once, twice, he stood again, but the third time he hung by the cuffs and let his feet sprawl on the floor.
Some of the neighbors talked about his Ma sometimes. They talked about her being in The Army before the twins were born. He never believed it before. Now he did.
"This is the man that hurt your brother?"
Mr. Harris tried to talk, something about Murphy wanting him to do it, but Ma hit him in the mouth with the gun. He spit blood and didn’t try to say anything after that.
"He's the man," Connor answered, anger burning in his stomach.
"Bring th' pillow over, lad," Ma told him. He grabbed one off of the chair and brought it. She moved him in front of her, taking the pillow and wrapping his small fingers around the gun. With the cushion in between, she pushed the barrel of the gun against Mr. Harris' chest. One of her hands covered his, holding his finger against the trigger. Her other hand reached up to cover the monster's eyes. The man started to whimper and beg, but neither of them paid him any mind.
He looked up and thought his mother was more beautiful in that moment than she had ever been before.
"Do ye remember the words?"
Connor nodded. Together they spoke; the words of a father he remembered more as a voice than as a man. The words were awkward in his little-boy throat, but Ma spoke them with soft quiet assurance.
"And sheperds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, power hath descended forth from thy hand and our feet may carry out thy command so we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patri, et fili, et spiritus sancti."
The gun jerked in his hands. Even with the pillow up against the barrel, it was loud. Mr. Harris jumped and then didn’t move. His nose burned and it smelled like fireworks. Ma pulled him a step back and then lowered her hand from the dead man's eyes. He watched as she took coins from her pocket and placed them over the closed lids.
It was done.
She put the first ink into their skin that night. Words of brotherhood, over their hearts.
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![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-02-06 02:03 pm (UTC)What a great idea that it was she who made them who they became!
Really good!
More please!
no subject
Date: 2005-03-23 01:42 am (UTC)A/N: So I owned the VHS copy of this movie forever, and of course in that version the only bit of their mother we hear about is that she insisted on their knowledge of languages. I think this gave me a very different perception of her as a person, so that makes this bit of fic somewhat AU. Let me know if you like it or what. This is my first BDS fic, and my first Livejournal post, so I hope it works. Anyways, on with the fic.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-23 10:55 am (UTC)Whoo, Conner and Murphey are back! And their bitchin'-as-Hell Ma is there, too. Fuckin' A, perfection.
I forsee that your vision was a-right. *stares blearily at the screen yet cannot muster the will power to stop reading*
no subject
Date: 2005-04-08 05:33 am (UTC)And then came the night that Murphy woke in the dark and wouldn’t stop crying and Connor knew that something was too wrong for him to fix. He woke Ma and together they comforted his brother. It took a long time. Murphy was afraid. Mr. Harris had made him afraid; told him if he wasn’t good, that bad things would happen to Connor and Ma.
Connor watched while she took Murphy's clothes off. He saw bruises where there shouldn’t be bruises. There was blood in Murphy's underwear. He had failed. Murphy was hurt and it was all his fault. He wanted to cry but he didn't deserve to, so he was strong, and held Murph's hand while Ma cleaned him with a washcloth and his brother cried instead.
They are utterly brilliant. I loved everything you said here. You captured Murphy's fear and Conner's sense of failure perfectly. In just a few short sentences you covered exactly what needed to be said. You mentioned the bruises, the severity of the injuries, the emotional pain, all of it. I admire when a writer only uses short sentences and captures all of that.
I like how you brought their mother's history into this without making it seem just a useless bit of information. By mentioning that Conner believed now that his mother was in the Army, you made the information relevant. This was also simply written, and again, carried out well.
I love the style. That's all for this one... onto the next.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-08 12:53 pm (UTC)(goddamn, where did that fucken soap-box come from so early in the morning?)
http://www.vachss.com/av_books/samples.html is the official Vachss website. There's some short stories and novel excerpts there if you're ever in the mood.
The Army
You dont know how I agonized over that line. Thank you so much for noticing. So ah, what Army did you get the feeling she'd been a part of?
no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:02 pm (UTC)For some reason, Blue Belle is the book that I always give to people who haven't read him before. For me, for some reason, everything else always seems like a prequel or a sequel to that one. Not sure why.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:11 pm (UTC)Fucking dog. Making me cry.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:28 pm (UTC)We went on a vacation down to florida, and my dad loaned us his car, and he has dogs in it sometimes. I had a respiratory attack thing that scared the crap out of my husband. The car didn't even smell like dog.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-28 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-02 08:34 pm (UTC)that was really really great
no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-01 02:40 am (UTC)Happy reading.
two thumbs up
Date: 2006-09-09 08:34 pm (UTC)