Look After Your Brother ch 10

[ladyjanelly]

Author: LadyJanelly Rating: PG this chapter, definitely higher for others Pairing: Connor/Murphy eventually Warnings: (for this chapter) profanity, mentions of drug abuse (not the boys) Disclaimer: I own no irish boys. All writing done for my own amusement and that of my non-paying audience. Feedback: Gives me a reason to write and post these things instead of just playing with them in my head. Summary: A tale of childhood and beyond.

Chapter 10

That first apartment lasted almost a year. It was small but comfortable, and theirs in a way few things in their life had been.

They kept going to the library, but they didn't buy books anymore. They had learned better than to spend money on things that could be taken away or lost. Instead, their paychecks bought nights out at the pub, beers for all the guys and trips around town to keep up with Ma's languages. Experience, knowledge and tattoos--They invested in the holy trinity of indelible wealth.

The one possession they splurged on was a set of good identification papers: Social Security card, driver's license, birth certificate. Good enough to get a job with, or buy alcohol and cigarettes. Not quite good enough for a passport or any official computer system.

They forgot Farsii and most of Cantonese.

Connor spent a lot of time in prayer, most of it for Murphy. He prayed he was right about Murph not going to hell, and he prayed his brother would be happy. He prayed for the strength to forget that time they danced together at the New Year's party, how good it felt to have his hand on Murphy's waist, separated by nothing but the thin cotton shirt.

If Murphy minded how much time they spent in church, he never said.

Walking home one night they ran across a junkie who said he wanted to change his life. "And you're sure about this?" Murphy asked him.

"Yeah, man, sure. Sure. I can't fucking live like this anymore."

"Positive." Connor said, somehow making it question and statement at the same time.

"One hundred percent," the junkie said, teeth and eyes so white against the black of his wild hair and beard. The brothers looked at each other. They had a penance to pay, after all. It would be a sin to walk away from this chance.

They took him home, stocked the tiny apartment with food and beer, smokes and sports drinks. "Hey, can you guys help me with one last score?" He asked them as they shut the door. "You know, to like, ease into it, right?"

Two heads shook as one.

They slept in shifts and lived off their meager savings. They lost another pair of shit jobs, but it was worth it to do God's work instead.

Halfway through, Rocco changed his mind about this whole "starting a new life" thing. That was okay. They had planned for it, and there was plenty of rope.

When it was over, the smell of shit and vomit was too deep into the carpet and walls of that apartment to ever come out. They apologized to the landlord and kissed their security deposit goodbye.

An old lady in church was going into a nursing home, "just for a few months," and was worried about her house being condemned while she was gone. The brothers MacManus moved in and kept the outside nice enough that the neighbors didn’t complain, and left the inside pretty much alone. The roof was so rotten it wouldn't hold their weight to fix it, and it leaked something mad. Fourteen years of newspapers piled in the livingroom in neat stacks had a bit of a smell, but it was closer to McGinty's. They had no complaints.

They followed Rocco around for a while to make sure he stayed off of drugs and got to know him in the process. "Sort of like the older-younger fucked-up brother we never had?" Murphy called him. It broke their hearts sometimes, that he wouldnt give up his job for the mob, but he never hurt an innocent person that they knew of, so they tried to hate the sin and love the sinner.

To Connor's relief, Murphy said nothing for a long time about his goal of dating men.

They spent their nights down at the pub.

"Fucken shame it is," Murphy was saying to some fine young thing at McGinty's. Connor gazed down at the beer Doc had just pulled for him and tried to ignore his brother and the two girls he was talking with at a nearby table.

"Fucken look at him!" Murphy exclaimed, punctuating his speech with sharp snaps of his wrist. "Second-most handsome man in the fucken bar, hard-workin', kind, able to hold his liquor and he's joining th' fucken priesthood tomorrow because he's a bit shy with the girls."

"I'm no' goin' ta seminary," Connor protested, not looking over. Murphy was drunk, and his favorite pastime, when drunk, had become a nice game of "try to get Connor laid."

Connor could feel their eyes on him. He could feel Murphy making some sort of gesture behind him. He wasn’t surprised a bit when one of the girls came over to sit on the barstool beside his.

"He's drunk and full of shite," Connor began, short-cutting the small talk. Part of him considered, for a moment, making good on the lie and going into the priesthood. It would save him from Murphy's attempts at playing matchmaker. "I'm not going to be a priest, I'm not shy, and I'm probably not whatever else he told ya."

He glanced past her, over at Murphy. His twin was watching, a strange mix of protective pride and something else in his eyes.

The woman laughed. "Oh, wow. It's unusual to find a man who's so honest." The tips of her pink nails ran along the side-seam of his jeans. "I think that's really attractive..."

Connor's mug hit the bar with a thud and he almost fell off the barstool on the opposite side of her. "I'm sorry, I need to speak with me brother a bit." He ignored her offended confusion as he strode over and dragged a protesting Murphy out of the bar.

"What the fuck, Conn?" Murph asked as their feet hit the sidewalk. "She was pretty enough, aye?" Connor shoved him firmly against the wall. "She woulda done ya for th' askin'." He looked so puzzled and hurt by Connor's reaction that it was hard to stay angry.

"Murph, ya have to stop. Do you understand me?" His fingers were gentle as he held his brother's chin so that they were eye to eye. "It's no good. I'm tired of bein' the asshole after you tell them they have a chance."

Something strange flickered behind Murphy's eyes, something that Connor had seen before but couldn’t remember where. "What's goin' on, Murph? Why're ya doin' this?"

Murphy hung his head, closing his eyes. "I just don’t want ya to be alone, Connor. I want to see ya happy."

Drunker than I thought he was...

Connor mused. "I'm not alone, Murph. I'm not lonely, and I am happy. It's fine, you don’t have to do this."

"There's this club. I want to go Friday. I want to maybe find somebody." And it all became clear. Murphy was trying to fix Connor's loneliness so he wouldn’t feel guilty finding some companionship of his own. Connor might be happy, but his brother clearly was not. Connor was being abandoned, left behind.

That knowledge fucken hurt. Connor's lip curled into a sneer. "Listen to me, you fucken retard. When I want a girl I'll get one. When I need you pimpin' for me I'll tell you. Until then stay the fuck out of my personal life, aye?"

Pain and regret flashed onto Murphy's fine features. "No, Connor, I didn’t mean..."

"Ya did anyway," Connor cut him off. He turned and walked away from Murphy for the first time since they were fifteen.

Comments

[dejectedmadness.livejournal.com]

They forgot Farsii and most of Cantonese.

That was the line I mentioned earlier. Because they were trying not to lose what their mother had given them, and then they forgot.... I don't remember what I had to say about that, I just remember I said something a story or two back.

Connor spent a lot of time in prayer, most of it for Murphy. He prayed he was right about Murph not going to hell, and he prayed his brother would be happy. He prayed for the strength to forget that time they danced together at the New Year's party, how good it felt to have his hand on Murphy's waist, separated by nothing but the thin cotton shirt.

I love how you just stuck that New Year's party bit in there. It was mostly for Murphy... well except for this. Heh. He wants him. For sure.

Okay, the bit about Rocco being a drug addict... yeah I totally missed that the first time reading through this. Must have been another eye twitch thing. That is brilliant! Perfect way for them to meet Rocco. And the rope... genius!

An old lady in church was going into a nursing home, "just for a few months,"

Do people actually say these things? Just for a few months? Weird.

And AWWWW Murphy wants to find someone. And he doesn't want his brother to be left behind. That's sweet.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Perfect way for them to meet Rocco. And the rope... genius!

Heh. They could have gotten into some legal trouble if Rocco had stayed unhappy about the MacManus rehab plan. That's at least kidnapping or something. I've never been a big Rocco fan. He just seems such a weird thing for them to have so close to their lives.


just for a few months," Do people actually say these things?

Yeah. It usually goes "Just for a few months mom. Until your hip gets better" or "Until you get over the case of pheumonia" or whatever it is.

It's easier than saying "Look mom, you're going into a nursing home and you're never coming out, you old bat. Never, never never."

"Just for a few months" sounds so much less final.

And AWWWW Murphy wants to find someone. And he doesn't want his brother to be left behind. That's sweet.

One thing I've worked hard on in this fic is to show that things go both ways. That murphy takes care of connor. Connor takes care of murphy.

I'm trying to keep them balanced, or nearly so.