Fic--Boston

[ladyjanelly]

Fanfic--everyone who isnt here for the LotR stuff should like it.  Let me know what you think. I don't know if it's ready to be posted to a public comm, and I can use some concrit. 

 Thanks to amourality  for her help and support and to realm_of_ylith  for getting me interested in this new subject of fanfiction.  Yeah, I needed another fandom like I needed a hole in the head, but I appreciate it, really. :)

Warnings: Crossover, violence, profanity, good guys getting hurt, bad guys getting dead, little girls being frightened.  AU for misaligned timelines.  Eventual slash (more of a selling point than a warning, isnt it?)

Boston

Sometimes shit don't work out like it should. The battles, the studio time, none of it got him any closer to where he wanted to be.

Sometimes a man just has to say fuck it, fuck it all, and take his ass somewhere new, start over fresh.

Jimmy couldn't leave Lily there though, in that ratty-ass trailer. If he couldn't stand living there he sure as hell wasn't going to let her grow up in a place like that. He talked his mom into making up some papers. He was pretty sure the wherefores and party-of-the-first-parts were out of place, but he hoped it was enough to keep him out of jail if she changed her mind one day and started wanting back the baby she gave away.

He put it all in the car, everything that mattered. Lily, her stuff, his garbage bag of clothes and the demo tape that nobody but him gave a fuck about. He started driving, heading for New York--a new start, a new scene.

Fuck if he knew where he took a wrong turn, but they ended up in Boston when the tranny fell out of the car. It would have taken the last of his cash to fix it, leaving nothing at all for an apartment or hotel or anything when they got to New York, and he'd be damned if Lily was going to be sleeping in a car.

So yeah. Fuck. Boston. What the hell was there for him in Boston?

--------

For two weeks they live life like normal people. Jimmy finds a job detailing used cars for sale, a tiny apartment and a sitter just down the block for Lily. The job pays minimum wage, under the table. He's the only white guy that works there, but he's used to that. The apartment has hot water less than half the time and the babysitter doesn’t speak much English, but it isn’t worse than life was in Detroit, so he can't complain much.

It's the stupid shit that fucks a man's life up most of the time. It's after work and after picking up Lily from Consuela's that he realizes he's left his key at the lot. Another hour on the bus to get back and he's exhausted by the time he sees that the back gate is open and people are moving something in the shop. He recognizes them, guys that are always hanging around, friends of the boss or something.

He's still by the gate, Lily's little hand in his, when it registers that the thing they're stuffing into the trunk of a car is some dead guy, blood and gold rings shining on his limp fingers.

He does the thing any man that wasn’t brain-dead would do. He grabs Lily and gets the fuck out of there.

He thinks he may have gotten away clean, but at the last second there's a shout behind him, and gunfire. He cuts through a back alley, up a fire escape, over a roof. He circles around the long way, taking a bus near his house but not to it. Adrenaline fuels him because there sure as hell isn’t anything else left in his system. He knows he just needs a few minutes to think, to make a plan.

He takes a back way the last few blocks. He doesn’t think anybody knows where he lives, but nobody ever died from being too sure there wasn’t an ambush outside his house.

He stands around a dark corner, talking to Lily while he tries to figure how he's going to get inside their place without a key. One of them runs past, not ten feet from him. Fuck if he doesn’t almost overlook Jimmy but he freezes at the last second.

The guy yells, Jimmy runs. He turns down another damn alley and feels his feet go out from under him, sliding on something he doesn’t have time to think about right then. He twists in the air, landing with Lily on top of him instead of the other way around. He tries to get up but the knee is no good. No more running.

"Lily, baby," he says, looking into her tear-filled blue eyes. "I need you to be a big girl now. I need you to run, and I'll be there in just a second, okay? The corner store, okay?"

His relief at seeing her nod and scurry off is offset by the sound of a group of men coming into the alley behind him. He gets to his feet, stuffing one hand deep into the pocket of his hoodie. Every second he can hold them off with the threat of a gun he doesn’t have is another second that Lily can use to get further from here.

There are six of them, and one is moving around to follow Lily. Jimmy always had a knack for pissing people off, and he uses it like a weapon now.

He takes just enough of a step to get in the guy's way, to get eye to eye. "Hey, faggot. Yeah, you. What, you so scared of me you'd rather go chasin' down little girls? Ain't you got no dick? Or maybe you been getting' too much dick from your boys here?"

The fist hits him so hard he imagines he feels his brain smacking the inside of his own skull. His knees wobble and he goes down again. He tries curling into a ball, protecting his head and his nuts. The guy that was chasing after Lily moves on past, out of his sight.

Five guys are kicking the shit out of him but it feels like there's more of them than that. The blows make a random pattern, dull thuds of pain along his arms and spine and shins. He thinks maybe one of those kicks has fucked up his head because he could swear he hears Lily's little-girl voice singing.

There's a zip of a silencer, like in a fucking movie and one of the guys kicking him to death falls on the ground beside him. There's a neat hole, the size of a pencil, in the front of his head. Jimmy knows that's one asshole that won't be getting up again.

He rolls over and tries to scramble back. Two white guys are walking down the alley. One has two guns out. The other only has one, firing left-handed. He's carrying Lily with his other arm. Her face is hidden against his neck and she's singing, "Twinkle twinkle little star" in between sobs.

The guns flash and the bad guys die. Lily can't take it anymore and starts screaming his name, but the guy holds her head, keeping her from seeing the death and blood that's filling the alley.

"Are ya Jimmy then?" The man with two guns asks, crouching to look him in the eye.

He can't catch his breath. He just watched these men kill five guys, and they've got Lily. He feels sick and dizzy and his knee hurts so bad he wants to puke. He manages to nod.

Dark eyes stare at him, judging him. The smile that accompanies that gaze is almost gentle. There's a little mole by the side of his mouth, and somehow it makes the man seem more real, more human. "Tell her t' be good, an' hide her eyes. There are things a little one shouldn’t see, aye?"

He nods and swallows. If she doesn’t see, she's not a witness. Not like he is. They'd have killed her before this if they were going to, wouldn’t they?

"Lily," he calls, his voice going all soft for her. "Lily, baby, listen to me, okay? Just close your eyes, baby, everything is going to be okay." He can feel blood running down the side of his face, hot and cold at the same time. "You listen to the man, you do as he says, okay?"

"Connor," says the one that's still to close to him. He makes the n's roll under, and the r at the end roll over. Gloved fingers take hold of his chin, turning Jimmy's face towards the light. "Tell her t' listen t' Connor."

Connor

, Jimmy thinks, and knows in that moment that they're planning to kill him. It's quit being a theory and is now a fact. Men with guns don't share their names. And he doesn't want Lily's last memory of him to be the sight of his brain being splattered across the brick.

He closes his eyes, because he doesn’t want to see it coming. The fingers leave his jaw. "Listen to Connor," he says, hearing his voice catch. "I love you, girl. You be good, okay?" And fuck he hopes she listens because it'll be better for her if she doesn’t give them problems.

The darker one, the one closer to him, sighs. "Jaysus, Conn..." and then he drops into some language Jimmy doesn’t know, je ne sais fuckety fuck.

Gloved fingers touch his face again. He opens his eyes and sees "Connor" walking away carrying Lily. He stops where he can see still, but she can't hear.

"Stay with me," the man says and starts rifling through the nearest corpse's pockets. "I'll find a phone and call an ambulance for ya. You'll be fine. She'll be fine." He stuffs the dead man's watch into his pocket.

Ambulance. Fuck, that wasn’t good either. It took him a second to process that this meant he'd be living in the morning.

"A cab," he groans.

"What? Are y' fuckin' mad?" The search for a phone continues.

"I can't go to the damn hospital!" Jimmy snaps back. "If you ain't gonna shoot me just call a fucking a cab and let us go home." He rolls over onto his stomach and tries to push himself up. The world twists around him.

Strong hands grab his shoulders and push him up so he's leaning against the wall. His knee screams and his stomach won't settle.

"Look at yourself, man. Y'need a fucken doctor." Jimmy gets the impression that the guy is trying for reasonable, but he's bad at hiding his impatience. He finds a phone on one of the other corpses and dials.

"No, don’t fucking do this to me, man,"

He starts telling the emergency operator what he needs, but he's watching Jimmy. His blue-grey eyes say, "Talk fast."

"I'm scared, man. I ain't got nobody to come get Lily. They could take her away from me."

The man's accented words slow down a little. "No I don't know, let me find a sign," he tells the phone. He doesn’t look around.

Jimmy knows, he knows that he has to give this guy a better reason, a bigger bite of the truth. "Her mom let me have her but what if she's changed her mind? I can't let her go back there, man. I can't. I won't."

The guy gives 911 an address and Jimmy could be wrong, but he doesn’t think it's anywhere around here. When he's done he closes the phone and throws it into the wall to shatter into bright shards of plastic.

"Connor'll be killin' me over this," he mutters as he hauls Jimmy up to his feet. With Jimmy's arm around his shoulders and his arm around Jimmy's waist, he's got most of the weight. Jimmy knows that even if they'd put him in the cab he wouldn’t have made it to the door of his building, much less his apartment. .

Lily's asleep on Connor's shoulder when Jimmy and the other one come out of the alley, her soft blonde curls laying against the darker sandy-brown spikes of his hair.

"Murph!" Connor scolds, but he keeps his voice down. "Where th' fuck's your head, man?"

Jimmy's pretty sure he hasn’t heard that name before, but it fits the man.

Murph replies in something that isn't English, his voice quiet but urgent. There's no way Jimmy''ll be able to follow that shit and the effort is too much to bother. He closes his eyes, letting the hushed argument that follows wash over him like white noise.

 

 

Comments

Awww wow!

[green-rat.livejournal.com]

That was awesome! More?
Elle
loving the crossoverness =)

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

So Yeah, this is what I do to people who are nice enough to comment on stuff in my journal. I know it's no way to repay you, but it's going to happen anyways. I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions now, and you can answer or not as you wish.

loving the crossoverness =)

I love love love love crossovers. I dont know what's wrong with me, but I have a hard time leaving people in their own worlds.

So I take it you recognize what it's crossing over with. When did you get it? Was it too obvious, or not obvious enough?

This is my first EmFic, so I'm still a little insecure about how I'm portraying him (Jimmy). Realistic, in character and in voice? Did his actions make sense in the context of his life?

Was there anything in the fic that kicked you out of the story, be it dialog, actions or descriptions?

Was there any line or phrase that made it just that much more real?

Does the story so far make sense? Is the action easy to follow?

Thanks in advance for as many of these as I can pester you into answering. :)

-Janelly

Re: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

[green-rat.livejournal.com]

So I take it you recognize what it's crossing over with. When did you get it? Was it too obvious, or not obvious enough?

I got it about when you mention Connor - i was like is this what i think it is, then i went yay it is!

This is my first EmFic, so I'm still a little insecure about how I'm portraying him (Jimmy). Realistic, in character and in voice? Did his actions make sense in the context of his life?

Yep, definitely. His first priority would b protecting Hailie - he's such a self-sacrificial father in some ways.

Was there anything in the fic that kicked you out of the story, be it dialog, actions or descriptions?

not really, just when i was like is this crossing over w something?

Was there any line or phrase that made it just that much more real?

/Dark eyes stare at him, judging him. The smile that accompanies that gaze is almost gentle. There's a little mole by the side of his mouth, and somehow it makes the man seem more real, more human. "Tell her t' be good, an' hide her eyes. There are things a little one shouldn’t see, aye?"/

Does the story so far make sense? Is the action easy to follow?
yep, v good

now will you be awesome and answer the same questions for Detroit?
elle ;P

Detroit

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Cool, thank you muchly for the info.

now will you be awesome and answer the same questions for Detroit?


Fair enough.

I'll try to read it this week. I have no xf background at all, so all of those guys will be like OC's to me. Hopefully I'll have something useful to say though. :)

-J.

Re: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

[staysafe.livejournal.com]

Hi!! I finally have a free evening (which is nothing short of a miracle, since I have *two* jobs at the moment), so I can leave the long-overdue feedback. *g*

Jimmy sounds very realistic, but I was a bit surprised that he wasn't scared when he saw those guys. Obviously, his mind was taken by the thoughts of saving Lily, but still...He must be a really brave man not to get scared when he realised the guys in the alley were going to kill him.

Everything else is very realsitic. I loved the way you portrayed their accent (here and in part 2 as well). The action is very easy to follow, and everything they do is perfectly logical. ))
I want to read more of the story!!! *pouts*

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the FB.

I was sorta going for the feel that he's exhausted, he's been terrified for the past two hours or so, he's in pain and he's afraid but he has nothing left to fight with, and if he tries it'll just make things worse for Lily. Like a rabbit (no pun intended) that's been chased into the ground and just lays there panting, waiting for the foxes to tear it apart. Scared as hell, but /done/.

Heh. I love the BDS boys. They can be so many things at the same time. did you get to see it finally, or was work kicking your butt still?

I am working on part three, but I took another sewing comission that should take around 40 hrs of work to do, and we're going out of town again next weekend, and work's been crazy and school's been consuming my time. Sigh. If I had a machine that'd take thoughts out of my head and type them out for me, I'd be set.

Take care. Hope you're having a good week.
-J.

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

Ok, firstly, *omgwtf* EmFic?! Why Jimmy? Why not just um, Marshal? I'm sorry, I had no idea he had a fandom. I've only just found *NSYNC slash.

Aside from that, I thought this made a fairly decent begining. I was thrown of at first because I was all like, "Who the fuck is Jimmy, and why does this sound so much like 8Mile?" But really, after that it was smooth sailin'. Nice action bits and good flow. I do like Jimmy's voice though. I like guys who swear. A lot. Guys who swear a lot.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

EmFic?!

Yes. It is tasty and good. I have been a fan for all of a week. There isnt much to read, especially since I'm not a fan of the boy-band stuff. There's an emslash archive and fic group on lj. Amourality is fixated. So happy to share the crack. Write something and she'll marry you. :)

I've only just found *NSYNC slash.

I saw it. I oh-so-carefully avoided their "music" and just as carefully avoided the fics (though I got a few with my EmSlash because I didnt know their names. sneaky fuckers). Somehow I imagine it sorta tasting like seran-wrap. If that makes sense.

Why Jimmy? Why not just um, Marshal?

*sigh* I have this block against rps that I just havent been able to get over yet. I am reading rps but still not writing it. This is the closest i've gotten. "he gave me permission to write rps by adding elements of fiction to his biographical movie. Yeah, that's the ticket."

Besides, I have the 8Mile canon to work with (and fuck over) this way. Do you think referring to him as Rabbit part of the time would help with the mental transition?

I like guys who swear. A lot. Guys who swear a lot.

I like writing guys that are strongly passionate. Hated dating them. Happy-married to the most level guy I know. But anyways, yeah, potty-mouth is fun to write. Was him trying to piss that guy off so much he'd fight him instead of chasing Lily convincing? Dialog-wise?

"Jimmy" just has so much hope and love and passion and so few ways to express it. That limitation is very exciting to me as a fanfic writer.

*points up to the questions left for green_rat.* Have a go at a few of those if you've got a minute sometime?

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

Somehow I imagine it sorta tasting like seran-wrap. If that makes sense.

Really? Fic with flavor, eh?

I have this block against rps that I just havent been able to get over yet.

*omg* Me too. It sort of feels like rape somehow...

Do you think referring to him as Rabbit part of the time would help with the mental transition?

I don't know if it would help you, but try it out.

Was him trying to piss that guy off so much he'd fight him instead of chasing Lily convincing? Dialog-wise?

Yes, I liked that part. The story didn't really pick up until then.

When did you get it? Was it too obvious, or not obvious enough?

The fourth sentence. He was talking about battles and trailer parks, the connection just had to be made there. Obvious enough.

Realistic, in character and in voice? Did his actions make sense in the context of his life?

Well, I'm not a big Em fan, but from what little I know he's pretty real. And it's what I'd do.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

*omg* Me too. It sort of feels like rape somehow...


Especially since I wanted him to be traveling with a kid in this one. It feels invasive to use an adult's real name and history and stuff. I'd feel twice as bad to use a little girl's. And really, why write Marshall when I've got Jimmy to use?

I hear Em's voice from one of the videos going "You don't know me."

Anyways,

How was the entrance of the BDS boys? I figure only people who know the fandom will recognize them, but when did you? (yeah, finding it in my journal was a clue,I know)

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the other reason to use Jimmy over Marshall is the dark hair. It's how I first noticed him, in 8 Mile, and I much prefer it over the blonde. I think I identify with him more with the dark hair.

[athousanderrors.livejournal.com]

Was him trying to piss that guy off so much he'd fight him instead of chasing Lily convincing? Dialog-wise?

Oh yes. You could just smell the fear, the need to protect her.

This is just...yeah. Never thought of slashing Eminem with anyone, least of all one of the twins - but this is really good. And I have to admit I already knew it was Eminem because I saw the manipped pic first, but yeah - this is good. Really really good.

Mind if I friend you? For more ficlety goodness. *grin*

[amourality.livejournal.com]

Since it is my raison d'etre to bring Emslash to the world *g* I couldn't help but butt in here :D.

I had no idea he had a fandom.

Oh yes! He does. It small but loving :D. Just about every fic in existence can be found here.

I've only just found *NSYNC slash.

Lol. Then I just have to rec this guy. Possible the best boyband slash in the universe.

K, I'm done pimping ;D.

Much love, Ami x.

[amourality.livejournal.com]

I love it. You know that already, but I'm telling you again. I love it.

*kisses*

[cucumberstar.livejournal.com]

Okay, damn. The blurb-drabble you did in Ami's journal was good, but this is awesome. I love crossovers cause it makes the author have to work twice as hard to pull it off as believable.

I like action in stories but for some reason it's hard to write in a follow-able way, but you defiantly pulled it off. I liked that you had Jimmy be really good at pissing people off, that's defiantly in character and more so cause he was doing it to help Lily.

One more squeeing comment, I liked how you gave reason as to why Jimmy thought they were gonna off him even while they were being nice to Lily. As the reader I know they're not gonna off him in the first page cause the story as to go somewhere but Jimmy doesn't know that. So by making his point of view real (Lily can't be a witness if she doesn't look) it just makes it better.

Yeah, I liked this a lot. Now I really wanna see some more... pleeeease?

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it and found it believable. I was a little worried that the violence was bordering on gratuitous, but nobody else thinks so, so I'll stop worrying about it.

Action is very hard to write. One thing that helps me is that I play a live-action medieval recreation combat game thingie on the weekends. After a battle I get to talk to my friends about a good bow-and-arrow shot, or a good spear-stab, or the way the left flank crumpled. It really helped me build my action vocabulary and develop my narrative skills in that department.

I know they're not gonna off him in the first page cause the story as to go somewhere but Jimmy doesn't know that.

Heh. It's fun when the illogical is the in-character thing to do. I laughed at myself when I was writing the "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm...not gonna die. Fucker, dont you be calling an ambulance!" bit.

Have you read much Boondock Saints fanfic?
-J.

[cucumberstar.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that dying worry/ambulance bit was the best part actually.

No, not really. I loved the movie a lot but I couldn't wrap myself into the twincest slash of it. I actually tried to. I gave it a decent go, but I'm just not so much down with the twincest. I love the characters though and I'm so into the idea of crossovers with them. Between the action and the irish accents though, I've noticed it's harder to write the brothers well. But you have so now I'm hooked. :)

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Ah. Yeah, it is all about the twincest. I like it, personally, but I understand if it's not your thing. My Constantine crossover, "Blood of the Saints" has a one-line mention of the twincest, but nothing explicit, if that would work for you.

I'll keep an eye out for non-twincest pairings and if I find something really cool I'll point you that way if you want.

Thanks for the compliment on the accents. I've noticed it's more about word choices than spelling out the way it sounds.

[cucumberstar.livejournal.com]

Ooo Constantine. I can handle some twincest-y-ness. I love them so, I'm sure you can get me hooked into this fandom. Heh, I'd love recs and what not. :)

[4bdnsn0wflake.livejournal.com]

Well, you've got my interest so far.

I haven't seen the movie "8 mile" and the idea of reading Eminem slash is not one that appeals to me, but this part of the story was exciting.

I think what I liked most is how into his daughter Jimmy is, how he's always thinking of her first, trying to do what he can to shelter her from the bad stuff.

I also like how you handled portraying the brothers from the perspective of a new character who doesn't know them. It gives us a chance to see them in a different way.

And I liked the little touches of the use of different languages:
je ne sais fuckety fuck.

There's not much cause for the twins to utilize their language skills in the film, but it makes so much sense that they would constantly be using this advantage when dealing with outside people.

I thought the descriptions of the violence were appropriate for the tone of the story.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

The contrast between tough rapper boy and devoted parent-figure (older brother but god, with that mom he's the closest that little girl gets)is one of the things that really makes the movie. There's one point where he's in a shouting match in the driveway of the trailer and he realizes that Lily woke up and instantly he's all soft and gentle.

I wasnt into him at all until I saw 8 Mile. It was a really good piece of story-telling. A lot of the crap he goes through is a lot like stuff my brother had to deal with (except in a small-town-poverty way).

je ne sais fuckety fuck.

Heh. Somehow I knew you'd be the one to like that. Yeah, speaking French was the easiest way for them to say "Jesus, this guy's fucked up. Think he'll die? Might be. Let's call an ambulance" without traumatizing the kid. Also good for figuring out what the fuck they do next with this sort of dead weight to drag around.

[roadparty.livejournal.com]

THAT is an excellent beginning. Great hook, the action's just perfect. Love it!!