ladyjanelly | FIC: Re-cast (scar!verse), ch 13/? rated PG Jensen/Jared

Title: Re-cast (scar!verse) ch 13/?
Author: Ladyjanelly
Rating: PG
Characters: Jensen/Jared,
Summary: Jensen stopped acting in 2000. He still runs into Jared.
Warning: Men sexing men, AU.
Disclaimer: Never happened, not my boys.
Feedback: Is always appreciated-- praise, crit, all of it.

Thanks to Jellicle for reading it over for me and reassuring me that it wasn't stupid. :)

The rental turns out to be a big white Silverado. Jared’s having a hard time getting over the fact that they rented a vehicle for a freakin’ family trip instead of someone picking them up at the airport and driving them around. Jensen had mentioned hotel arrangements too. Jared hopes Jensen's not expecting the same setup when they get to San Antone, ‘cause Jared’s mom will kill him if he mentions not sleeping in his old room.

Jensen drives the huge vehicle through rush hour traffic with a sure hand and an experienced eye. He knows where they’re going, and Jared feels like a guest in his life again.

“Hey, Jen?” He’d give anything to see his lover just relax and smile. This new tense Jensen is freaking him out.

“Yeah?” Jensen's attention flickers to him, and there’s a genuine attempt at a smile, but it comes off strained.

“It’ll be okay,” Jared says. “Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. I’m not going to do anything to try and upset your parents and nothing they could do, nothing, would make me love you less or want to be with you less.”

Jensen sighs, but it’s a good sign, the way the tension eases. “Thank you,” he says. “I know all that. It just helps to hear it.” He reaches out over the massive center console between the seats, and Jared laces their fingers together until Jensen needs his hand back to make a turn.

------

The house isn’t what Jared had been expecting. Truth to tell, he isn’t sure what exactly he’d thought it would be like. Special in some way, he thinks. Instead, it’s a one-story brick home on a little side street, so much like its neighbors that he’s not sure he could find it again if he had to. Large oaks and tall pecan trees line the road and shadow the homes.

Jensen pulls the truck up to the curb and turns off the engine. Cars crowd both sides of the street right here. Jensen had explained that there was a more-formal get-together of his parent’s friends and co-workers the night before the cook-out, but he and Jared were expected to make an appearance since they’d flown in from out of town.

Jared reaches for the truck’s door handle before he notices that Jensen's still sitting there, gripping onto the steering wheel.

“Jen,” says Jared, “Jen. The part of this that you’re doing for me? This is enough. Just being here. Your parents know who I am, what I am to you. Nobody else matters. You don’t have to introduce me as your boyfriend or anything.”

Jensen nods and swallows hard, still staring hard through the windshield.

“They love you,” Jared reminds him, “I love you. It’ll be okay.”

Jensen squares his shoulders and lets go of the wheel. He wipes his palms on his jeans and opens his door. Stomach fluttering, Jared gets out of the truck, hoping that he didn’t just tell the worst lie of his life.

They walk together up the sidewalk, not holding hands, but close enough that their shoulders brush. Jensen rings the bell, and then rocks on his heels, waiting.

The door opens, and Jared puts on his best “impress the parents” smile, projecting as much warmth and friendliness as he possesses. The sounds of music and conversation whisper through the closed door, louder when it opens.

What can only be Mrs. Ackles opens the door, dressed in a modest powder-blue dress. She’s not the delicate southern belle that Jared was expecting--she has a no-nonsense sort of look about her, a solid little woman with sharp eyes. She seems pleased to see Jensen at least, but surprised and puzzled too, as she lets them in. “Jensen!” she says, drawing him by the hand into the house. “Ringing the doorbell of your own home.”

Jared follows along, and he’s close enough to see her gaze trailing the line of Jensen's scar. “Oh, Jensen,” she says, that mix of sorrow and disappointment in her voice that only a mother can manage as she reaches to brush it with her fingertips. “Are you ever getting that fixed?”

Then she hugs him, her tall son, and Jared’s glad for the way she clings to Jensen's shoulders, hopes Jensen can feel the apology in her arms that Jared sees in her eyes.

Jensen looks relieved when they pull apart. “Mom, I want you to meet Jared.”

The woman tries, Jared has to give her that. “Jared, so nice to meet you.” She squeezes his hand, and there’s warmth in her eyes that he hadn’t expected. “Donna, call me Donna.”

Mr. Ackles steps up while Jared’s busy and hugs Jensen, says something that makes the younger man smile.

“Jared, this is my dad, Alan. Dad, this is Jared.”

Jared puts on his best smile and shakes the man’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you, sir. Your son is an extraordinary person; it’s great to meet the family he comes from.”

Jensen thwaps his shoulder. Donna laughs, but it sounds a little strained.

Alan grins. “Oh, I’d say that boy as much made himself as we raised him, but we’ll take the compliment anyway.”

They migrate to the living room, meeting random cousins and co-workers and friends of the happy couple on the way, and it’s more comfortable than Jared had expected. Alan asks him about his acting and his plans for his career and what he’s doing for hiatus. Jared’s careful to not touch Jensen in any way, to not gaze longingly into his eyes or do anything that could even be considered flirting.

Alan’s eyes never look his son square in the face for more than a fraction of a second. He’ll look at his hands or Jared or his wife but never Jensen. Jared doesn’t even know if Alan knows he’s doing it, but he can see the hurt it scores. Jensen's smiles grow more and more plastic; he stops looking at his father. Jared wishes he knew something to make this better, something to heal this old hurt, but he’s at a loss. He barely knows the problems, much less any possible solutions.

Mrs. Ackles can’t sit still for long, and she flitters between the kitchen and living room, bringing drinks and snacks for their guests. Jared tries not to make a pig of himself, but the last thing he ate was on the plane and that was hours ago, and the little mini-quiche are so tasty.

“Jared,” says Donna, on a pass through the living room, “You’re tall. Can you help me get some glasses down off the top shelf?”

It’s not like Alan or Jensen are short guys, and Jared can translate mom-speak for ‘Come talk to me in private.’ Jared has no idea what he’s getting into-- something about the offer he made to let Jensen come alone seems like the most probable topic, but he’s willing to put up with anything to keep Jensen happy. He smiles Sam’s cheerful grin and stands up to follow her into the kitchen. Jensen shoots him an uncertain glance and starts to rise, but Jared shakes his head.

“No problem,” he says, more for Jensen's benefit than his mother’s.

The kitchen is tucked away into the back corner of the house, away from the noise of the get-together, small and cheery and afflicted with an overabundance of sunflowers. The thought of Jensen growing up here, eating Cheerios in the mornings and fried chicken at night, brings a smile to Jared’s face.

“That cabinet, on the top,” Donna says, and Jared obliges and starts handing her down a glass at a time.

“You seem like a nice young man,” she says as they work, managing to not sound surprised. “I--we, Alan and I, want you to know that it wasn’t personal, not wanting you here.”

Jared clenches his jaw and continues to pass her glasses. “Are you saying I’d have been welcome if I wasn’t bi, or just if I wasn’t dating your son?” That--came out a little sharper than he’d intended, and he takes a calming breath while he waits for her answer.

“You don’t understand,” Donna whispers. “He’s our son. He’s not supposed to be--“

“He loves you,” Jared interrupts. “He loves you and this is tearing him up. If you can accept me, why can’t you accept him?” He can feel the dangerous slide into arguing with Jensen's mom, the rush of adrenaline, the shaking in his hands. He’s terrified of losing control of this, making a scene, getting Jensen hurt.

“This isn’t something he chose,” Jared says, turning to face her. “He can’t be something he’s not.”

The slap catches Jared completely off guard and he blinks at Donna, feeling the warmth spreading across his left cheek. There’s more shock than pain, and her eyes are filling with tears instead of his.

“Don’t you blame God,” she says, teeth clenched in anger, and Jared’s pretty sure he hadn’t said that. “God didn’t do this to my son. I did. Oh Jesus. I let--” Her voice breaks and she overlaps her hands over her mouth to keep the sobs in. Jared’s never been good with crying women, much less crying mom-age women. He puts his hand on her shoulder and she falls in against him.

“I let that man,” she sobs into his chest, “I let that man, and then when we found out, we tried to get him help but he didn’t want to be right again.”

Jared pats her back in a lame attempt at comfort. His stomach twists at her words. The thought of Jensen hurt somehow, some man hurting him, makes Jared want to punch walls but he can’t, not here, not now. He reminds himself that whatever happened it was in the past and he needs to focus on making sure Jensen doesn’t get hurt now.

“He’s happy,” Jared says, because it’s the only thing he can think of. “He’s happy and he’s your son and he’s--he’s making really healthy decisions with his life.”

Donna makes a little sniffle-sob of a laugh and pushes back. “Modesty is not your curse, is it Jared?” She smiles a broken smile and wipes at her eyes, trying to not smear her makeup.

Jared has to grin, because it really isn’t. He steps over to the sink and wets a paper towel for her face. On second thought he gets one for himself too, to take the sting out of his cheek.

There’s a light rapping on the kitchen door, just before it swings open. “Is everything okay in--“ Jensen pokes his head in. Jared tries to imagine what he sees (Jared with a towel to his cheek, Donna blotting at her eyes, both of them half-smiling) and figures the perplexed look on his lover’s face is warranted. His eyes flicked between them as if torn between which to go to first.

“We’re good,” Jared says, and it isn’t a lie, despite the things he wants to ask Jensen about later, in private.

Jensen's mom nods her agreement. “It’s fine, Jensen. Everything is alright, really. Could you--go get your father for me?”

Jensen goes and comes back with Alan before Jared can figure out anything to say to Donna.

“I think I’ve done my son-ly duty for the night,” Jensen says to Jared as Alan comforts Donna. Jared wishes he could tell what Jensen was thinking and feeling, but his lover’s face is like a fog-bank, showing nothing at all. “You wanna get out of here?”

Jared’s not quite sure he should leave after making Jensen's momma cry, but he nods.

“See you tomorrow?” Jensen asks his dad. “The stone tables at Whiterock Lake, right?”

“Two PM,” Alan agrees, and then Jensen grabs Jared’s hand and pulls him out the back door.

The back fence opens into the alley, and they have to walk around the block to get back to the truck. Jared figures it’s better than facing the chattering crowd though. Jensen doesn’t talk, and Jared tries to give him the time and quiet.

They get back in the vehicle and Jensen makes this strangled little laugh that reminds Jared so much of Donna, holding in his hurt and trying to shrug it off. “That could have gone worse,” he says, but like he can’t imagine how.

“I wish I could say she started it,” Jared sighs, “But I think it was me.”

Jensen looks up at him, and he looks so confused by this whole turn of events. “What the hell happened in there?” he asks, “You were only alone for ten minutes.”

Jared hangs his head. He feels like the moron who accidentally shoots someone during a cease-fire. He’s broken the fragile peace, and all he was trying to do was make it a little better.

“I just--I wanted her to know you were okay. She seemed so worried and I wanted her to know you were happy.”

Jensen folds his hands at the top of the steering wheel and rests his forehead against them.

“Are you mad at me?” Jared asks, because not-knowing is gonna make him sick. He wants to reach over and hug Jensen but the truck has a center console the size of a poker table between them.

“I’m not mad,” Jensen says, and lifts his head so Jared can see it’s the truth in his eyes. “It’s just so hard. It’s always been like this with them and I don’t understand why.”

Jared chews on his lower lip. He can feel the shaky ground below his proverbial feet. “Your mom,” he says, “She blames herself. That’s why she was crying.”

Jensen frowns, and Jared can see the surprise on his face. “She what?”

Jared’s gut clenches, because if Jensen doesn’t have a clue about this, maybe Jared’s betraying a confidence. Not that she said “don’t tell Jensen,” but still.

“She said she let a man do something, and that afterward you were gay and they couldn’t fix it.” Jared’s pretty sure that’s the gist of it. He wants to be the good boyfriend, supportive through whatever this is. “Jen, did somebody--were you--molested?”

For half a second, Jared thinks Jensen's snort of laughter is at the way Jared’s voice had broken on the question, before he realizes it was at the question itself.

“I’ll tell you what I told them,” Jensen says, serious again. “I wasn’t molested. Nobody messed me up. The only crappy parts of my teen years were my parents accusing my friend of being a pervert and sending me to a counselor once a week.”

Jared blinks, because that’s not at all the story he was expecting to hear. “Wait, what?”

Jensen sighs and rolls his eyes. “I was sixteen, and my mom had me doing all this modeling. I was gay and confused and I had a huge crush on my photographer.” He meets Jared’s gaze and holds it, making sure there can be no misunderstandings. “He could have talked me into anything, Jared, without much work, but he didn’t. He was in a long-term monogamous relationship and not interested in teenage boys.”

Jared’s throat is dry, and he tries to swallow. Jensen continues on unabated. “He was the first person in my life who said it was okay to be who I was. He introduced me to boys my own age. He talked to me about safe sex. I’d be a mess right now if he hadn’t seen how lost I was.”

Jared reaches out and cups Jensen's scarred cheek in his hand. “I believe you,” he says, because Jensen seems to need to hear the words. Jensen relaxes into the touch and closes his eyes. “Maybe your parents need to hear it again? Your mom--this guilt is eating her alive.”

Jensen sighs and nods. “I think I’ll have to talk to her.”

Jared leans over and brushes their lips together. “But we’re okay? You and me?”

Jensen smiles a little, and it makes it all the way to his eyes. “Yeah. We’re okay.” He puts on his considering-face, eyebrows up and gaze narrowed. “So. Where to now? Burgers the size of your head or back to the hotel for some ‘thank God we lived through that’ sex?”

“I have to choose? Jared asks, oh-so-aggrieved. “It’s early still, and we don’t have anywhere to be until two tomorrow.”

Hours later, Jared figures he must not be too bad of a fuck-up in the boyfriend department, since he ends up getting both.

---------------

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

embroiderama

Aw! ♥ I love their mutual nervousness and how focused Jared is on taking away as much of Jensen's hurt as he can. And Jensen's mom--so hell-bent on believing that Jensen being gay is some kind of tragedy and her fault. It's like Jared somehow brings them all hope of working things out better.

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FIC: Re-cast (scar!verse), ch 13/? rated PG Jensen/Jared

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