Still I live

[ladyjanelly]

Life stuff:
I'm at that point in the pregnancy where I don't feel so much pregnant as just a little fat.  Nausea is gone and fatigue is getting better daily.

Just two weeks left of school and then I'm off until after the baby's born. 

Trying to get plans with my dad for when he's coming to visit so I can plan when Sam and Kendra and I are driving up to North Carolina.

Fandom stuff:
I've caught up to 4.07 of SPN. 
It's funny.  I still like the show like lots and lots.  But nothing since the first season has inspired me to write fic.  Am I weird in that?  All my Smallville bunnies were for season one AUs too. 

I'm rereading my own fic (the homeless!verse) and reading some of the comments and stuff.  I realize that that fic ran on the external conflicts.  I think I need to figure out how to write that sort of thing better.  Homeless worked, but the troubles were sort of randomly thrown at the audience without any foreshadowing and could have been done better. 

I had started a fic with Hooker!Jared and anti-social!Jensen and thought it was unwritable/uninteresting/something but I think what it needs is some conflict and something I had already put in there gives it a great opening to show up in the fic so I want to write on this one some more soon. 

It's been like 5 months since I posted any fic at all.  I feel like I'm letting you guys down.

Comments

[magikalrhiannon.livejournal.com]

don't feel bad. Life gets in the way, we understand that!

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I think it's mostly the pregnancy related fatigue. After that's better I think I'll write again. I've been starting big things and getting about 500-1000 words in and then not finishing. So sad.

[spinfrog.livejournal.com]

Um... May I suggest picking the one WIP you feel most strongly should be finished and doing that before the baby is born? Because you might not be writing / posting for like, two years afterwards....

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Heh. That's a risk. I kinda want to finish the scar!verse since I'm sooo close.

[lexstar29.livejournal.com]

Not at all! Don't get me wrong I really enjoy your writing, but muses comes and go, and often life gets in the way. I know when I'm writing lyrics, that when I have a lot else going on it can really halt the writing process as well.

Bottom line, the little one is far more important, and has rightly, been taking up the energy. Like I say, I love your writing, but it's not the only reason I friended you. I love the life stuff too.

Which is all a long winded way of saying don't worry about it. It's all good.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

Ennnnergy. That's starting to come back. Hopefully the writing juices will flow again soon.

[embroiderama]

Seriously, you don't need to worry about letting anyone down. I adore your writing like crazy, but you have big personal stuff going on and that's just the way it goes. *hugs*

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I ws reading the comments from the homeless!verse and all these people that I know friended me then have dropped me. :P But all the people who mattered are still around.

It's mostly the energy issue. the pregnancy has left me wiped for the past month and a half.

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

dear sweetheart -- actually I am thinking about you all the time with blessings! don't worry about the fic right now, whatever comes will come.

I am caught up through 4.10 and will be rewatching continuously until hiatus is over -- s4 is my favorite yet. But in terms of fic, I think I see why first season is always the most fruitful -- it's that time when all the premises and the chemistry and the basic motivations have been laid out but the future is still wide open. I hated all Smallville after a while, because I was just too desperate for Clark to tell Lex his secret, just lies, lies, lies..... argh! I think sometime shows draw out the dramatic tension by people just being stupid to each other. Have you seen Sentinel like in s3 when everything is just Big Stupid Drama? But I think Supernatural has avoided that fairly well.

I have a silly question: have you yet felt the need to write an mpreg, displacing the discomforts of pregnancy onto a helpless Dean or Sam? :)
I have this theory that mpreg comes from women wanting to write about pregnancy while making the MEN go through it, and see how well they do?

I'm glad your nausea is settling down -- you should soon be hitting the "I feel Great!" stage. I was constantly sickened by smells other humans could not detect.

It's not really true that you won't have any time after the baby is born, but time will arrive in smaller chunks and at more random intervals.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I've got ideas just not the words to get them out. I feel creatively constipated.

s4 is amazing. I just caught up too. Soooo happy.

I think the openness of season 1 appeals to me, and how um...isolated and dramatic the iconic moments are. After the second season starts there are just too many super-images piling up for them to be as important. If that makes sense?

Heh. No mpreg urge. Perhaps because I'm still so early in things.

[tabaqui]

*waves*

I lucked out and wasn't sick a day when i was pregnant. I'm glad you're over it. I spent more time than i probably should have napping/reading, but hey. I was pregnant. Heh.

I've felt that way about writing/fic, too - and really, it's all in your head! You're not letting anybody down. If you don't have the little 'ah ha, yes!' excitement and motivation for a fic, then, you don't. You write when inspiration strikes and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

No worries, huh?
:)

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I didn't puke, but I spent days curled up from the nausea. I'm finally starting to get my energy back.

I'm having ideas but no staying power. Random things that I write 500-1000 words of and then can't remember why I got excited.

I've been unfriended by some people but the important folks stay so I shouldn't worry about it.

[faith-mars.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that nausea is gone. *squee*

Don't sell yourself short. I know a lot of excellent writers that are very critical when it comes to their own stuff. So, just to remind you. YOU ARE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES. And there aren't so many around in this fandom.

I know your life is probably like crazy now. I was jus wondering if you're considering finishing the Re-Cast Verse.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I've been getting crit on the homeless!verse from my husband and a pro writer and I'm really seeing the weakness in the conflicts and foreshadowing. Which has been kinda hard on my confidence. My style works really well as a serial and not-so-good as a novel.

Of all the WIPs I have lingering, I think that one's most likely to get worked on. I re-read it a little while ago and it's only got like 1-3 chapters left.

I would love

[cattraine.livejournal.com]

to see you finish the shy model Jensen fic. It has great potential to be as good as the homeless fic. But again, I am a sucker for fics where one of the guys is an artist, because I scribble myself.

Re: I would love

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I need to find the conflict in that one or else it's just finding a tricky way to dole out Jensen's backstory. It's not dead but I haven't found the adreneline in it.

[lapillus]

I've always preferred external conflicts for romances as the primary driver of the story rather than relationship based ones, this goes for slash as well as other kinds. I think it permits greater variety, for one thing, and is also much less likely to make me either irked with one or both of the couple or feeling that they REALLY shouldn't end up together.

As for worrying about letting us down, don't. However I certainly wouldn't say no to more fic from you soonish :-) Espeically hooker!fic.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

I really do like the external conflicts. One of my WIPs is depending on some internal conflict and I think dreading writing that is what made me stop writing it.

It's um...sort of different hooker!fic. Y'all know I don't do anything normal. :)

[lapillus]

Which WIP?

I'm quite happy with atypical samples of genres I like. Often what I like about a genre are some of the meta issues that surround it so wildly different takes can be quite fun. If you want a beta for it, let me know :)

[black-bird-777.livejournal.com]

Fan fiction inspiration comes and goes, it's just the way it is.

I did want to comment that I really liked the model!Jenson story - I liked that he obviously had problems that had to be severe enough to make him seriously unsocial, but he chose something revealing (nude modeling) that most people would never consider unless they are artists or have grown up with artists, never mind someone morbidly shy. I found that contrast very interesting. Of course I really wanted to find out what made Jensen so paralysingly shy.

You responded to my comment about that story saying that you'd written in the homeless!Jensen story what you'd wanted to write in the model!Jensen story, and so were uninterested in finishing the model!jensen story. I see that, but still hope that one day you'll want to finish it. I liked the exploration of Jensen's head injury, but I'd like to see something similar explored without a physical trauma, just a psychological/emotional one. If you decide to not finish it, I'd love it if you would tell me where you saw it going so I can imagine it in my head. That story still stays with me, and I'd love to know more about it, even if you don't write it. Hope that makes sense.

Hope the rest of the pregnancy is easy and joyful.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

That contrast became sort of hard to justify/work with. I need to find an outside conflict to keep it from just being a pretty way to tell Jensne's backstory.

I've changed my mind and I do think there's life in that one. If only i can find the fire.

[black-bird-777.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think the only thing that can justify it is an outside conflict. I found that I tend to use an outside incident to trigger the inside conflict. As long as it's justified, it works. (IMO)

Well, heck, I sure hope you do get back to that story. It had good potential. ;-)

[jensgirl17.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wish you'd add to the Life Drawing or cat!Jared 'verse. Those are my favorite RPS stories.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Kitty!
Um. I don't even know what I'd had in mind for the kitty anymore. :)

Life drawing needs some external conflict. Like serious. Otherwise it's all a pretty way to tell Jensen's backstory. I gotta figure that out. I think I can.

[cats-eye78.livejournal.com]

We love ya anyway! Why don't you revisit some WIP's if you're having trouble starting anew? That would be great.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Oh, I can start new fic. :) I just poop out after about 1000 words. So sad.
I really do want to finish some stuff before the spring.

[princesslanie.livejournal.com]

yeah real life does have a way of creeping in. lol. do you think you'll finish firefighter vers or is that one done?

Hi sweetie!

[(Anonymous)]

When are you due?

Re: Hi sweetie!

[trexr1.livejournal.com]

this is Me by the way.

Re: Hi sweetie!

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

May 25th. :)

[couchemal.livejournal.com]

It's been like 5 months since I posted any fic at all. I feel like I'm letting you guys down.

I think you have a good excuse, though!

I'm glad things are going well.

[1orelei.livejournal.com]

I see the words "fell like I'm letting you down" and while it's utterly hokey, my brain keeps telling me to respond with a "but... you know your fics are *gifts* right? Loved all the more because they're not required?"

Of course I know you weren't talking to me since I was stalking your journal and not friending it. But after a brief but epic internal debate, I've gone and said it. There. And thanks for all your fics.

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I've been rereading this comment for days. It really helps to hear what you said instead of a version of "we forgive you." Thanks.

[1orelei.livejournal.com]

Heh. Good to know my lack of censoring had a net positive! BTW, I see in revisiting this post that you're getting feedback from a writing professional? Kudos! Not that *I* find anything wrong in your work, you understand. Just appreciating your drive!

Oh, and good luck with the finding energy thing. Please ignore this unsolicited advice as you see fit, but perversely I found I needed morning swimming and/or prenatal yoga to keep me moving (in amongst my many naps. ;)

[ladyjanelly.livejournal.com]

She's not like a full-time pro or anything but she's been published in enough sci-fi and fantasy magazines to qualify. She gives good feedback She liked my story but saw many weaknesses in it.

the winter isn't helping me find my drive. I read that water-exercize is the best thing to reduce pain at birth and I have a gym a block away and really want to do it, but the thought of the cold keeps me in. :) I'm a Florida girl and this north-texas weather ain't my friend.