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ladyjanellyI think my battle with PPD is getting better. I'm crying a lot less these days. I still feel like I have to fight for what I need on a daily basis. Like I plan for what I need/want to do with my day and then struggle from morning til night to get it done. Sometimes it drives me fucking nuts that I can't say "Wow I stink; I'm gonna take a shower now." I feel like I have to ask for permission or help to get such basic things done and it makes me crazy.
But anyway. Crying less is definitely good.
Also, back around Christmas time, people would ask me what I wanted and my best answer was "For you to stop asking what I want." Just. Nothing I could have gotten would have made me happier.
I think it's a good sign that I'm wanting things again.
I want:
A new mattress. Seriously. I'm remembering the bed with the springs poking me that made me dream I was sleeping in a cage with fondness. This sleep number thing sucks so much I'd sleep on the couch if it wasn't so cold out there.
Some way to watch movies at the gym. Like a little I-Pod or Zoone? or whatever it is that lets me watch movies on a 2" screen and the software to get the movies on it.
A new laptop. Alas. The Toshiba has worked hard for me, but the battery life is short and sometimes it won't shut itself off when the lid is closed and it overheats like a mother.
A non-non-stick set of pots and pans. Because Teflon is stressing my husband out, and the heavier metal bottoms make it easier to cook.
Bread-making stuff. Like a roll-out kneading board and fancy grains and cook books. No machines or kits.
An under-counter spice rack. Because I can't give up any more counter space but NEED to see what spices I have. Also so I'll have empty bottles for custom mixes.
But anyway. Crying less is definitely good.
Also, back around Christmas time, people would ask me what I wanted and my best answer was "For you to stop asking what I want." Just. Nothing I could have gotten would have made me happier.
I think it's a good sign that I'm wanting things again.
I want:
A new mattress. Seriously. I'm remembering the bed with the springs poking me that made me dream I was sleeping in a cage with fondness. This sleep number thing sucks so much I'd sleep on the couch if it wasn't so cold out there.
Some way to watch movies at the gym. Like a little I-Pod or Zoone? or whatever it is that lets me watch movies on a 2" screen and the software to get the movies on it.
A new laptop. Alas. The Toshiba has worked hard for me, but the battery life is short and sometimes it won't shut itself off when the lid is closed and it overheats like a mother.
A non-non-stick set of pots and pans. Because Teflon is stressing my husband out, and the heavier metal bottoms make it easier to cook.
Bread-making stuff. Like a roll-out kneading board and fancy grains and cook books. No machines or kits.
An under-counter spice rack. Because I can't give up any more counter space but NEED to see what spices I have. Also so I'll have empty bottles for custom mixes.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 09:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-18 05:44 am (UTC)