Sigh.

[ladyjanelly]

 Feeling a tad overwhelmed lately.

Sami's going through a very trying time for a 3 year old. Contrary about EVERYTHING, yelling and angry. Not napping at all, and being sleep-deprived toddler. She started pre-school, which I have finally gotten the hang of (right shoes, right diapers, hair-clip, check in, check out).  

I've felt a lot of pressure to use those 12 hrs a week in a productive way. Things I've been trying to do:

• keep house cleaner
• revitalize my etsy store
• shop estate sales for vintage to sell
• sew sweater-coats  because winter-buying-season starts in October
• start painting denim and other jackets (mainly because the cyst in my left wrist only lets me sew so long in a day)
• setting up a photography area with professional lighting
• Tomorrow I'm starting networking meetings for AutoCAD because that's guaranteed money if I find contract work
• writing (not on Sami-school time). Still maintaining about 3000 words/week but it doesn't feel like it's flowing like it was.
• try to spend some quality time with husband (hard to do with a toddler who sleeps less than either of us)

I volunteered to co-beta a fic and totally failed at it and I feel terrible about it. I just have no ability to concentrate.

My husband is wanting me to post my fic as original fic on Amazon, but I don't feel right just putting up the fic I've got with different names. I want to make structural edits and make the writing better before I ask for money for it, but getting crit is no fun. Making edits are no fun. It's boring and lonely and feels reward-less. Also,  I really don't want to stop working on new fic to go back and mess with old fic. I don't think I"ll be able to work on 2 sets of characters in different fandoms at the same time.

I seriously need a break, but I feel like I lost half the year to the blahs and also, putting Sami in a good pre-school is going to tax our finances, so the getting-money stuff HAS to be done. I've got tons of material to make into sellable product, I've got AutoCAD skill I can get out there and market, I've got writing sitting around that could be shined up and sold.  

Comments

[nagasvoice]

Best of luck with the CAD and sorting etc. for $$.
I knew you were busy--anybody with a little kid gets overloaded--but wow, tons more than I assumed you had going on!
Also, please don't feel guilty or sad or bad about beta-reading what you can and stopping (if it's mine you're thinking of) because your comments were helpful, it's not on a deadline like that of other folks, and gee, turns out now it's still not actually done (good heavens, it's not a plot bunneh it's a killer whale!) and it's just fic, it's not allowed to hurt people!

[ladyjanelly]

I do feel bad that I made a commitment and then failed to deliver. Much worse than if I hadn't offered at all. I am very excited to hear that you're gonna go on with the story thought. That's awesome.

Most of my rush is self-inflicted. I JUST realized that the beginning of the selling season is 2 months away and it really freaked me out. And my lights just came in, so that was a new pressure, to use the $450 worth of new equipment instead of having it sit there in the boxes.

If I thought life would be any easier with a 9-5 job, I'd be looking for one, but I don't think any of this other stuff would go away, and I'd hate to have Sami in daycare that much.

Thanks for your support though, and I"m so sorry to have flaked on you.

[peaceful_sands]

Give yourself more credit, you are dealing with and achieving a lot there. That's a lot of projects and goals for anyone to manage and with a three year old even more so. Sami is 'dealing' with a lot too; she's growing up, finding out more about the world, getting to the stage where she doesn't need the naps as much as she used to, but not yet adjusted to getting the sleep she does still need. Things are changing too in going to pre-school; it's a big step, a good one, but in a little girl's world, it's big and exciting and tiring.

You're doing an amazing job trying to fit so much into that time you have, but maybe you're right and you do need a break - a little 'just for you' relaxing time in there as well. I'm not suggesting that you don't go for all your goals, just pace yourself - you're in there for the long haul, not change the world by the end of the week *grin*

Hang on in there. You can do it, there's people out here rooting for you *hugs*

[ladyjanelly]

I went out and shot 50 arrows this morning and feel better. The only problem with recent weight loss is that my arm-guard fits less-well than it used to and it moved between shots and I blood-blistered my inner arm.

I missed the networking meeting for AutoCAD because of a grumpy, early-rising Sami, but that's okay because I need a resume and business cards. Working on that this morning too. Her and I had a good snuggle-time, sitting on the couch and talking about her dreams.

I think yeah, keep moving forward on everything, just not quite as fast. Taking the time to do the resume and cards. Reducing the amount of stuff I'd hoped to get photographed on Friday when I have a model. Less is better than none, and making myself crazy was gonna result in stopping everything.

Thanks for the pep-talk. :)

[peaceful_sands]

Yay! for the arrow-shooting and ouch! for the blister-forming side of it! I shall use my Hawkeye icon in your shooting honor! What a lovely way to spend the start of the day though, having snuggle-time with Sami! Cherish every moment like it!

I think you've got the right idea to scale back the time pressures, still aiming to do everything you want to do, but just making the timetable workable. Like you yourself say, less is better than none (far better) and giving yourself breathing time in terms of the 'deadlines' for achieving everything, you might find yourself getting more done because you're not pressurizing yourself and feeling like every step you don't get to is a failure. Celebrate your successes however small they may be at the time.

I'm here and cheering you on all the way <3 and if you need any kind of cheerleading on any front - even ones I know nothing about - I can stand here and cheer like a...? Cheerleader? Cheery person? Slightly Crazy Friend? Whatever you need? - Take your pick! I'm game to try! Good luck and take care and let us know how it's going :D

[ladyjanelly]

Thanks. I went out and shot again this morning (in my pajamas since it looks like rain any second and I didn't want to miss it).

I've got a model lined up for Friday morning, so I've pared my to-do down to : finish the coat, figure out the camera. Everything else is gravy.

Thanks so much for the crazy-friend support. I do really really appreciate it.

How's your stories coming along? Still making steady progress?

[peaceful_sands]

Wise decision. Good luck for Friday, hope all goes well with the coat and the camera (no mean feat!). I'd love to see the results will it be on your Etsy eventually or is it for something else?

As for the support - any time - just poke, I'm around.

As for my stories, I've finished the Avengers one - it ended up 28,000 words (and a little), so here's hoping the author likes it. I've submitted it to the mods and am now waiting to hear about posting dates etc and looking to get a beta for it. I now need to get back into the Dark Angel/Avengers cross-big bang. I can do this!! Or perhaps I must do this! LOL!

So much to do at the moment, and no energy to get half as much done as I need to. Step by step though, right?